Lifestyle – Metro https://metro.co.uk Metro.co.uk: News, Sport, Showbiz, Celebrities from Metro Wed, 13 Sep 2023 16:14:31 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.3.1 https://metro.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/cropped-m-icon-black-9693.png?w=32 Lifestyle – Metro https://metro.co.uk 32 32 Dog DNA testing has landed so you can get to know your pet better https://metro.co.uk/2023/09/13/dog-dna-testing-has-landed-so-you-can-get-to-know-your-pet-better-19492950/ https://metro.co.uk/2023/09/13/dog-dna-testing-has-landed-so-you-can-get-to-know-your-pet-better-19492950/#respond Wed, 13 Sep 2023 16:14:16 +0000 https://metro.co.uk/?p=19492950
Ancestry launches dog DNA tests
Find out more about them (Picture: Getty/Ancestry)

Forget finding out about your own DNA, you can now delve into your dog’s past.

Ancestry now has a DNA testing kit for dogs – but let’s be honest, it’s really for owners looking to get to know their pet better, and find out more about the heritage and genetics of their four-legged friends.

In the UK, 60% of households have a pet in their family, but they might not know all the details they should to form the best bonds with their beloved dogs.

These tests can give owners a breed breakdown for each dog, genetic matches to other local dogs, and traits that are unique to their pet.

Ancestry says there are 30 behavioural and physical traits that, once learnt, can help you understand your dog even better. 

Claiming to be the ‘most scientifically advanced dog DNA test on the market’, you can find out if you dog is more prone to issues like separation anxiety, stress levels at the vet, how willing they are to share with other dogs, and how sensitive they are to noise.

Identifying breeds is complex when many breeds are part of a dog’s genetic makeup.

So who knows, maybe your Yorkshire terrier isn’t entirely a terrier – perhaps other surprise breeds are in the mix.

And sure, your dog won’t be excited by the news they’re part Beagle, but you might be.

The test has been developed by DNA scientists and animal geneticists from Massey University and the University of Minnesota. 

Once your dog’s DNA is received, scientists identify each dog’s unique genetic blueprint.

It will reveal each dog’s lineage, traits, and kinship connections.

‘One thing we hear from our customers who are dog owners is that many of them consider their pet to be a part of the family,’ said Brian Donnelly from Ancestry.

‘As a proud dog enthusiast, I was inspired by the love my family has for our dog to create a product that helps us better understand him and meet his needs based on his genetics.’

The Pet DNA kit retails for £79 and is available at an introductory price of £59 until September 30, exclusively on petDNA.ancestry.com.

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Woman pays just £200 a month on outgoings to live out of her van https://metro.co.uk/2023/09/13/woman-pays-just-200-per-month-to-live-out-of-her-van-19494176/ https://metro.co.uk/2023/09/13/woman-pays-just-200-per-month-to-live-out-of-her-van-19494176/#respond Wed, 13 Sep 2023 14:51:55 +0000 https://metro.co.uk/?p=19494176
ellen green
Home sweet van (Picture: PA Real Life)

Flipping the image of a ‘big white van’ on its head, a woman is living and travelling in one, making it her haven.

Ellen Green, 29, a freelance graphic designer from Northern Ireland, spends just £200 a month living this way.

She began travelling around Ireland in a van with her dog, Max, a Staffordshire bull terrier, in 2019.

After being in her van ‘all the time’, she decided to move into her new £5,000 Citroen Relay permanently.

Ellen’s loved ones thought her living choices were a ‘bit weird’ to begin with, but now she thinks ‘people can just see that it works for her’.

The 29-year-old has travelled to Snowdonia and Donegal, and has hiked all around the UK and Ireland. Last year, she ‘climbed 52 peaks in 52 weeks’ as the van has made it easier to explore the nation.

Ellen has also saved a lot on monthly bills – now her outgoings are around £200 a month. She can also see herself staying in the van long-term, given how flexible her life can now be.

The graphic designer said: ‘I often just find the nearest beach and park there. It’s so relaxing – I wake up, swim in the sea, do some work, and just chill out.

‘I’d never be able to do that if I was renting. It’s made me make the most out of life, and become a more adventurous person.

‘I can’t believe that showering in leisure centres is normal to me now – I love this lifestyle.’

Ellen
Ellen’s family thought her living situation was a bit odd at first (Picture: PA Real Life)
Ellen's van
Ellen moved into her van full-time in 2023 (Picture: PA Real Life)

She continued: ‘I love how flexible it is and being able to park up anywhere, in such beautiful places.

‘There’s no point in me renting a flat because I’m always in the van, and everything’s in here.

‘It’s a lot cheaper than having to spend money on rent on top of this.’

But not all of her loved ones were on board with the idea at first – like her now ex-boyfriend, who said she needed to be more ‘realistic’.

‘Nobody understood it – everyone was a bit embarrassed to be in it because it’s just a big white van and everyone just thought it was a bit weird,’ she said.

‘But I guess, during Covid, it all became a lot more normalised and popular.

‘Now, I think people can just see that it works for me.’

van
Ellen climbed 52 peaks in 52 weeks in 2022 (Picture: PA Real Life)
van
Ellen thinks living in a van is the best decision she’s ever made (Picture: PA Real Life)

After moving in permanently, Ellen started renovating her van, spending around £1,000, by adding in a leisure battery and a window.

She explained: ‘It was already panelled and had everything, like a kitchen and a workspace in it.

‘But I gradually ripped everything out of it, and then rebuilt it.

‘I did it all myself so it’s quite rustic, I guess – I’ve done a lot of it with reclaimed wood and my friend gave me a pallet so I made shelves out of that.

‘Now, I’ve got a bed, a workspace and a kitchen – I did things like use old book shelves to make kitchen cupboards.’

Her favourite places to explore are Cornwall and Donegal, as lots of other ‘van people’ are there.

Ellen
Ellen can see herself staying in the van long-term (Picture: PA Real Life)
van
Ellen spends just £200 on bills per month (Picture: PA Real Life)

‘I pay a maximum of £200 for things like phone bills, apps, showers at leisure centres and washing at launderettes,’ she says.

‘With fuel, it really just depends on how much I want to spend.

‘If I want to spend less this month, I just don’t move around as much.

‘You get to have so much freedom, save money and explore – it’s amazing, I’d suggest it to most people.

‘I can’t see myself settling down somewhere for the foreseeable – at the moment, I wouldn’t change it for the world.’

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The best countries in the world have been named https://metro.co.uk/2023/09/13/the-best-countries-in-the-world-have-been-named-19493736/ https://metro.co.uk/2023/09/13/the-best-countries-in-the-world-have-been-named-19493736/#respond Wed, 13 Sep 2023 14:10:51 +0000 https://metro.co.uk/?p=19493736
Spectacular view of Lauterbrunnen valley on a bright sunny day, Switzerland
This spot came out on top (Picture: Getty)

In need of some travel inspiration? Look no further, as a new ranking of the world’s best countries has been revealed.

The findings are a result of a collaborative project between the US News and World Report, marketing company WPP, and a business school from the University of Pennsylvania.

It involved an intensive analysis of more than 70 factors for 87 countries and then used data extracted from a survey of more than 17,000 people. 

Categories used for the research included heritage, food, cultural attractions and quality of life with factors such as the job market, income equality and education system, alongside social purposes such as human rights and climate change.

So, which country came out on top?

Thun cityspace with Alps mountain and lake in Switzerland
The scenic spot (Picture: Getty Images/iStockphoto)

Known for its beautiful scenery, chocolate and cheese, Switzerland won the battle.

The country found its way to first place thanks to its low levels of unemployment and corruption, and high levels of cultural influence.

In second place is Canada, which is described by the report as a high-tech industrial society. The country also boasts a good job market, education and healthcare system and a stable economic and political landscape.

Moraine Lake, Rocky Mountains, Canada
Canada scooped second position (Picture: Getty Images/iStockphoto)

In third is Sweden, a country which is said to have the most generous people. Why? Well, roughly 1% of the gross national product is put towards humanitarian aid each year. It’s also one of the happiest countries in the world and is extremely family friendly.

Australia and the United States finish the top five, while the UK came in at 9th place. In a good showing for Europe, half of the top ten spots are occupied by the continent.

According to US News, Britain ranked highly for its ‘global influence’, being at the ‘scientific and technological fore’ and having some of the ‘top universities in the world.’

In total, it scored 92.4 out of 100. 

The country did best in the areas of entrepreneurship, cultural influence and power categories but lost points on cost of living (no surprise there), scoring a low 2.2 out of 100 on the scale. 

The top 10 best countries in the world:

  1. Switzerland
  2. Canada
  3. Sweden
  4. Australia
  5. United States
  6. Japan
  7. Germany
  8. New Zealand
  9. United Kingdom
  10. Netherlands

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MORE : He travelled over 300 miles and spent £400 on a taxi to get to our first date

MORE : Travel expert reveals the simple mistake that can cost you £170 in one European country

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RIP ‘to whom it may concern’ – formal work phrases are dying out https://metro.co.uk/2023/09/13/rip-to-whom-it-may-concern-formal-work-phrases-are-dying-out-19493627/ https://metro.co.uk/2023/09/13/rip-to-whom-it-may-concern-formal-work-phrases-are-dying-out-19493627/#respond Wed, 13 Sep 2023 13:45:11 +0000 https://metro.co.uk/?p=19493627
Formal work phrases like 'yours sincerely' and 'to whom it may concern' are becoming extinct
You’re more likely to get a ‘hiya’ than a ‘to whom it may concern’ from Gen Z employees (Picture: Getty)

It could be the end for old-school email sign-offs and corporate formalities, as a new report has revealed that three quarters of workers (71%) believe the younger generation are changing language in the workplace.

While Millennials apparently killed off everything from golf to marmalade, Gen Z have set their sights on prim and proper phrases at work – and they could soon go extinct as a result.

A recent survey from Barclays LifeSkills predicts a number of expressions likely to be lost from offices over the next ten years, with 41% of people saying they think we’ll be seeing the back of ‘yours truly’, 36% speculating the end of ‘yours sincerely’, and 35% giving the death sentence to ‘to whom it may concern’.

Around a third also believe we will soon see the last of ‘with compliments’ (33%) and ‘respects’ (31%) in email communication.

These phrases were judged as outdated and stuffy by respondents, while ‘Thanks!’ and ‘Thanks so much’ were voted as friendly by roughly half of the 2,000 Brits who took part in the research.

There is a fine line between friendliness and overfamiliarity, though.

Signing off emails with ‘Ta!’ would be a step too far for 29% of people, and although 42% see ‘Hiya’ as an approachable greeting, 26% think it crosses a line.

In the last five years – round about the time Gen Z have been of working age – more than two thirds of UK employees have noticed a change in workplace language.

Top five phrases due for retirement in the next 10 years

  1. Yours truly
  2. Yours sincerely
  3. To whom it may concern
  4. With compliments
  5. Respects

Although the same proportion believe this is due to Gen Z, 73% of staff from all age groups claim they’re now more casual in their own communications.

Perhaps unsurprisingly, employees aged between 18-24 are almost twice as likelyto use instant messaging platforms at work compared to over 55s, who appear keen to keep formalities where possible and see email as more professional.

A huge 97% of the younger cohort highlighted a desire to show personality through their workplace exchanges, meaning emojis, GIFs and images are preferred in chats with colleagues.

Have you noticed a change in workplace language? Share your thoughts belowComment Now

 Kirstie Mackey, Head of Barclays LifeSkills commented: ‘Our research shows that the next generation are clearly going to make their mark on the workforce when it comes to how we communicate.

‘The shift to more personable language is a positive one, however it’s important to demonstrate an understanding of social etiquette in the workplace, which does differ from school or university. Striking the right balance whilst still displaying your personality through your communications is key.’

Additionally, Dr Laura Bailey, Senior Lecturer in English Language and Linguistics at the University of Kent, said: ‘Changing norms in the workplace are reflected in the language younger employees use, and the way communication has changed in general. Email threads and instant messaging platforms have become blended into “conversations” where formal openings and sign-offs might feel out of place.

‘For the older generation, letter-writing etiquette might be drilled in enough that it is instinctive in any written communication. Whereas for Gen Z, social media has driven linguistic change and sped up the spread of language trends.’

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Woman shocked as mother-in-law tries to steal her puppy and gift it to daughter https://metro.co.uk/2023/09/13/womans-mother-in-law-tries-to-steal-her-puppy-and-gift-it-to-daughter-19492602/ https://metro.co.uk/2023/09/13/womans-mother-in-law-tries-to-steal-her-puppy-and-gift-it-to-daughter-19492602/#respond Wed, 13 Sep 2023 13:16:29 +0000 https://metro.co.uk/?p=19492602
portrait of a border collie puppy sitting with his owner in the park
‘I just took the puppy back and my husband and I left’ (Picture: Getty Images)

Yes, you read that right – a woman’s mother-in-law tried to take her puppy and pass it off as a gift for her 13-year-old daughter.

Needless to say, it didn’t go well.

The puppy’s rightful owner, 25, took to Reddit to share the sorry tale, asking if she was in the wrong for how she handled it.

She starts the story by explaining that she and her husband, 27, went to his little sister’s 13th birthday and took their puppy along, so that the family could meet her.

‘When we got there,’ she wrote, ‘everyone was super excited to see that we brought a puppy. Everyone was petting her and playing with her.

‘My mother-in-law asked me if the puppy was for my sister-in-law. I said no that this was my husband’s and my puppy.

‘She held the puppy for a bit and gave her back and all seemed fine.’

But suffice it to say that soon, all would be pretty far from fine.

‘My sister-in-law started opening her gifts when she finally noticed the puppy in my arms and asked me if mother-in-law had finally let her get a puppy for her 13th birthday,’ the woman wrote. ‘Before I could even say anything, mother-in-lawsaid “Yes.”

‘Sister-in-law burst into tears about “finally” having a puppy and then came over to me and tried to take the puppy.

‘I was in shock at what just happened and kinda just let her take the puppy out of my hands. Eventually, I went over to my mother-in-law and asked her WTF she was thinking.

‘She told me that my sister-in-law had been asking for a puppy for years, and she said “You don’t mind do you?” I was taken aback, I couldn’t believe my mother-in-law just gave away my puppy without even asking me.’

Monty
‘She started throwing a fit and literally screaming’ (Picture: Getty Images/500px)

Erm yeah, neither can we.

The poster had to take her sister-in-law to one side and explain that in fact no, she could not have her new puppy.

‘She started throwing a fit and literally screaming. I just took the puppy back and my husband and I left.

‘When we got back home I was bombarded with texts and phone calls from everyone at the party asking me why I took the puppy away.’

In a later edit to the post, the woman further clarified that her husband has ‘100%’ sided with his wife

She wrote: ‘Her birthday party was at the river, many people had brought their dogs to the party. I also did not know she had been asking mother-in-law for a puppy, (they have two dogs.)

‘My husband is 100% on my side. We both didn’t want to make a scene about it. He has called his mom and texted his family since the incident, we aren’t communicating to anyone about it right now because it has been overwhelming.

‘He had told his mom about us getting a new puppy multiple times, even invited the family over to our house for dinner, so they could also meet the puppy, but they had a football game to go to.’

Unsurprisingly, people in the comments have overwhelmingly sided with the poster on this one.

Have your say in the comments belowComment Now

One person wrote: ‘Who just tells someone else they can have someone’s pet. That’s weird, and the kid is 13 and old enough to know she can’t have everything.

‘Your mother-in-law sucks, and I wouldn’t feel bad at all. It’s your dog.’

Another person commented: ‘No, it’s not your responsibility to play along with your mother-in-law’s lies. She can get a different puppy for her child.’

Others suggested she should out her mother-in-law for her bizarre behaviour.

‘Tell everyone who wants to know that your mother-in-law blind-sided you and blatantly lied. Who the hell does something like that?’ asked another commenter.

Tell EVERYONE that mother-in-law lied. Just tell them all the truth… you did nothing wrong. Make sure people know it.’

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MORE : Dog rescued from illegal puppy farm now travels the world

MORE : Joyful pictures show new lives of dogs rescued from ‘atrocious’ puppy farm

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‘I’ve got £22,000 worth of tattoos – there’s even one in my belly button’ https://metro.co.uk/2023/09/13/ive-got-22000-worth-of-tattoos-theres-one-in-my-belly-button-19491960/ https://metro.co.uk/2023/09/13/ive-got-22000-worth-of-tattoos-theres-one-in-my-belly-button-19491960/#respond Wed, 13 Sep 2023 11:52:54 +0000 https://metro.co.uk/?p=19491960
Pictures of Mareike before and after getting all her 66 tattoos
‘By the time I was 23, I had covered almost my whole body’ (Picture: Mediadrumworld/Mareike Herder)

Mareike Herder, a former Germany’s Next Top Model contestant, has spent the equivalent of £22,000 on over 66 tattoos so far in her lifetime.

The 27-year-old also got two nose piercings, a piercing on her bottom lip, and she’s had her ears stretched.

Mareike, the founder and head designer at sustainable fashion label Black Circle, said that some of her judgey exes wouldn’t even let her meet their parents because of all her ink, but now she’s married to the love of her life, Philipp, who has always loved tattoos.

Indeed, they bond over their shared interest in tattoos, and Mareike recently started tattooing Philipp herself.

‘I have always really liked expressing myself in a different way and liked being able to stand out,’ she said.

‘By the time I was 23, I had covered almost my whole body.

Mareike before BALI, INDONESIA. THIS INKED WOMAN with ?22K worth of tattoos says judgemental ex-boyfriends would not let her meet their parents - but now she is a famous model and has married the love of her life. Founder and Head Designer at Black Circle Mareike Herder (27) from Frankfurt, Germany enjoyed a normal, happy upbringing and childhood photographs show how she looked long before her fascination with tattoos began.? Mareike went and lived in Wisconsin, USA for ten months as part of a school exchange program when she was just 16 and it was here she met many different people with various styles of tattoos. Since then, she has amassed over 66 tattoos, two nose piercings, a piercing on her bottom lip and she has had her ears stretched. Mareike?s unique look most certainly can come across as intimidating to both men and women but her husband - Philipp - has always loved tattoos.? Their shared interest in tattoos is something they bond over with Mareike recently taking up tattooing Philipp with an array of different tattoos to expand his collection. Mareike?s own journey with body modification began by having her under tongue pierced at the age of 16 by her friend in a basement. She needed something that could be easily hidden from her mother. ?I have always really liked expressing myself in a different way and liked being able to stand out,? she said. ?By the time I was 23, I had covered almost my whole body. ?I have been getting tattooed for a long time, the shortest tattoo took about an hour and the longest took ten hours. So probably if you had to put all the time together it would tally up to a few weeks. ?I did my first tattoo myself when I was 17 and it was an anchor on my right foot. ?But my first proper tattoo by an artist I got when I was 18 and it was a feather on my right rib. ?It is now covered with a big bird and it?s part of the wing. I had a slightly different idea of what I thought was cool back then. I blame Tumblr - just joking. ?The last tattoo I did was on my palms and it's a peony which is my favorite flower. ?I?d say the most painful tattoo was blackening out the belly button. That was crazy painful.??? Mareike currently has almost 500,000 followers on Instagram and, after appearing on Germany's Next Top Model, her reach skyrocketed.? She also thinks the fact that she was the first heavily tattooed model on the show helped to make her stand out. ?A lot happened for me both on and after I appeared on the show,? she said. ?Lots of people used to message me to say they found it really cool and refreshing to see someone covered in tattoos could be relatable. ?Again a huge stigma, especially in Germany, is usually attached to this kind of look. ?Some people also said that after the show it has helped other people be more open and accepting of people with lots of tattoos and for helping to at least soften the stigma around it. ?Most people in Germany have a very conservative view around it. Which is nothing against it, but you do get judged a bit off the bat.? Initially Mareike?s tattoos were not well received by everyone. ?In Germany at the time people associated lots of tattoos with people not really being successful and just having a bad connotation to it,? said Mareike. ?I got a lot of ?but what will happen when you are old? from people. ?My parents were more concerned for my health because of the level of ?trauma' to my skin as I did so many in quite a short time. ?Today people are more clued up on what and how tattoos work. ?My family love my tattoos, even my mum has two now. ?My friends have always been supportive and know that my tattoos are part of who I am. Many have never even known me without them.? She wants to encourage others if they want to get into body modification to consider their futures for sure. ?If you want to get into body modification, think about the future, and what the long term after effects could be. ?For instance, my labret piercing in my bottom lip just above my chin, I had it stretched back then, and its closed now but if I want to 100% get rid of the hole, I would need surgery to fix it.? Mareike owns her own sustainable fashion label called the Black Circle, produced in Bali and shipping all over the world from their warehouse in Germany. The brand will be appearing in British Vogue this September under their designer showcase. ?I am so grateful for my big platform, it is thanks to that I have been able to start my own business and use my reach to develop it over time to where it is now. ?I do believe if I? didn?t have a specific look I most likely wouldn?t have gotten some of the opportunities I did which then in turn would mean I would have had to take a bit of a different route. ?Currently there are no plans in the near future to add to my collection of tattoos. ?My focus for right now is on growing the brand and enjoying life in beautiful Bali.? ENDS
‘I have always really liked expressing myself in a different way’ (Picture: Mediadrumworld/Mareike Herder)
Mareike barely has any space left on her body with no plans for more tattoos right now BALI, INDONESIA. THIS INKED WOMAN with ?22K worth of tattoos says judgemental ex-boyfriends would not let her meet their parents - but now she is a famous model and has married the love of her life. Founder and Head Designer at Black Circle Mareike Herder (27) from Frankfurt, Germany enjoyed a normal, happy upbringing and childhood photographs show how she looked long before her fascination with tattoos began.? Mareike went and lived in Wisconsin, USA for ten months as part of a school exchange program when she was just 16 and it was here she met many different people with various styles of tattoos. Since then, she has amassed over 66 tattoos, two nose piercings, a piercing on her bottom lip and she has had her ears stretched. Mareike?s unique look most certainly can come across as intimidating to both men and women but her husband - Philipp - has always loved tattoos.? Their shared interest in tattoos is something they bond over with Mareike recently taking up tattooing Philipp with an array of different tattoos to expand his collection. Mareike?s own journey with body modification began by having her under tongue pierced at the age of 16 by her friend in a basement. She needed something that could be easily hidden from her mother. ?I have always really liked expressing myself in a different way and liked being able to stand out,? she said. ?By the time I was 23, I had covered almost my whole body. ?I have been getting tattooed for a long time, the shortest tattoo took about an hour and the longest took ten hours. So probably if you had to put all the time together it would tally up to a few weeks. ?I did my first tattoo myself when I was 17 and it was an anchor on my right foot. ?But my first proper tattoo by an artist I got when I was 18 and it was a feather on my right rib. ?It is now covered with a big bird and it?s part of the wing. I had a slightly different idea of what I thought was cool back then. I blame Tumblr - just joking. ?The last tattoo I did was on my palms and it's a peony which is my favorite flower. ?I?d say the most painful tattoo was blackening out the belly button. That was crazy painful.??? Mareike currently has almost 500,000 followers on Instagram and, after appearing on Germany's Next Top Model, her reach skyrocketed.? She also thinks the fact that she was the first heavily tattooed model on the show helped to make her stand out. ?A lot happened for me both on and after I appeared on the show,? she said. ?Lots of people used to message me to say they found it really cool and refreshing to see someone covered in tattoos could be relatable. ?Again a huge stigma, especially in Germany, is usually attached to this kind of look. ?Some people also said that after the show it has helped other people be more open and accepting of people with lots of tattoos and for helping to at least soften the stigma around it. ?Most people in Germany have a very conservative view around it. Which is nothing against it, but you do get judged a bit off the bat.? Initially Mareike?s tattoos were not well received by everyone. ?In Germany at the time people associated lots of tattoos with people not really being successful and just having a bad connotation to it,? said Mareike. ?I got a lot of ?but what will happen when you are old? from people. ?My parents were more concerned for my health because of the level of ?trauma' to my skin as I did so many in quite a short time. ?Today people are more clued up on what and how tattoos work. ?My family love my tattoos, even my mum has two now. ?My friends have always been supportive and know that my tattoos are part of who I am. Many have never even known me without them.? She wants to encourage others if they want to get into body modification to consider their futures for sure. ?If you want to get into body modification, think about the future, and what the long term after effects could be. ?For instance, my labret piercing in my bottom lip just above my chin, I had it stretched back then, and its closed now but if I want to 100% get rid of the hole, I would need surgery to fix it.? Mareike owns her own sustainable fashion label called the Black Circle, produced in Bali and shipping all over the world from their warehouse in Germany. The brand will be appearing in British Vogue this September under their designer showcase. ?I am so grateful for my big platform, it is thanks to that I have been able to start my own business and use my reach to develop it over time to where it is now. ?I do believe if I? didn?t have a specific look I most likely wouldn?t have gotten some of the opportunities I did which then in turn would mean I would have had to take a bit of a different route. ?Currently there are no plans in the near future to add to my collection of tattoos. ?My focus for right now is on growing the brand and enjoying life in beautiful Bali.? ENDS
She was a contestant on Germany’s Next Top Model (Picture: Mediadrumworld/Mareike Herder)

‘I have been getting tattooed for a long time, the shortest tattoo took about an hour and the longest took ten hours. So probably if you had to put all the time together it would tally up to a few weeks.’

Mareike began getting tattoos when she was still a teen.

She said: ‘I did my first tattoo myself when I was 17, and it was an anchor on my right foot.

‘But my first proper tattoo by an artist I got when I was 18, and it was a feather on my right rib.

‘It is now covered with a big bird, and it’s part of the wing. I had a slightly different idea of what I thought was cool back then. I blame Tumblr – just joking.

Mareike is now covered head to toe in ink BALI, INDONESIA. THIS INKED WOMAN with ?22K worth of tattoos says judgemental ex-boyfriends would not let her meet their parents - but now she is a famous model and has married the love of her life. Founder and Head Designer at Black Circle Mareike Herder (27) from Frankfurt, Germany enjoyed a normal, happy upbringing and childhood photographs show how she looked long before her fascination with tattoos began.? Mareike went and lived in Wisconsin, USA for ten months as part of a school exchange program when she was just 16 and it was here she met many different people with various styles of tattoos. Since then, she has amassed over 66 tattoos, two nose piercings, a piercing on her bottom lip and she has had her ears stretched. Mareike?s unique look most certainly can come across as intimidating to both men and women but her husband - Philipp - has always loved tattoos.? Their shared interest in tattoos is something they bond over with Mareike recently taking up tattooing Philipp with an array of different tattoos to expand his collection. Mareike?s own journey with body modification began by having her under tongue pierced at the age of 16 by her friend in a basement. She needed something that could be easily hidden from her mother. ?I have always really liked expressing myself in a different way and liked being able to stand out,? she said. ?By the time I was 23, I had covered almost my whole body. ?I have been getting tattooed for a long time, the shortest tattoo took about an hour and the longest took ten hours. So probably if you had to put all the time together it would tally up to a few weeks. ?I did my first tattoo myself when I was 17 and it was an anchor on my right foot. ?But my first proper tattoo by an artist I got when I was 18 and it was a feather on my right rib. ?It is now covered with a big bird and it?s part of the wing. I had a slightly different idea of what I thought was cool back then. I blame Tumblr - just joking. ?The last tattoo I did was on my palms and it's a peony which is my favorite flower. ?I?d say the most painful tattoo was blackening out the belly button. That was crazy painful.??? Mareike currently has almost 500,000 followers on Instagram and, after appearing on Germany's Next Top Model, her reach skyrocketed.? She also thinks the fact that she was the first heavily tattooed model on the show helped to make her stand out. ?A lot happened for me both on and after I appeared on the show,? she said. ?Lots of people used to message me to say they found it really cool and refreshing to see someone covered in tattoos could be relatable. ?Again a huge stigma, especially in Germany, is usually attached to this kind of look. ?Some people also said that after the show it has helped other people be more open and accepting of people with lots of tattoos and for helping to at least soften the stigma around it. ?Most people in Germany have a very conservative view around it. Which is nothing against it, but you do get judged a bit off the bat.? Initially Mareike?s tattoos were not well received by everyone. ?In Germany at the time people associated lots of tattoos with people not really being successful and just having a bad connotation to it,? said Mareike. ?I got a lot of ?but what will happen when you are old? from people. ?My parents were more concerned for my health because of the level of ?trauma' to my skin as I did so many in quite a short time. ?Today people are more clued up on what and how tattoos work. ?My family love my tattoos, even my mum has two now. ?My friends have always been supportive and know that my tattoos are part of who I am. Many have never even known me without them.? She wants to encourage others if they want to get into body modification to consider their futures for sure. ?If you want to get into body modification, think about the future, and what the long term after effects could be. ?For instance, my labret piercing in my bottom lip just above my chin, I had it stretched back then, and its closed now but if I want to 100% get rid of the hole, I would need surgery to fix it.? Mareike owns her own sustainable fashion label called the Black Circle, produced in Bali and shipping all over the world from their warehouse in Germany. The brand will be appearing in British Vogue this September under their designer showcase. ?I am so grateful for my big platform, it is thanks to that I have been able to start my own business and use my reach to develop it over time to where it is now. ?I do believe if I? didn?t have a specific look I most likely wouldn?t have gotten some of the opportunities I did which then in turn would mean I would have had to take a bit of a different route. ?Currently there are no plans in the near future to add to my collection of tattoos. ?My focus for right now is on growing the brand and enjoying life in beautiful Bali.? ENDS
Her longest piece took ten hours to complete (Picture: Mediadrumworld/Mareike Herder)

‘The last tattoo I did was on my palms, and it’s a peony which is my favourite flower.

‘I’d say the most painful tattoo was blackening out the belly button. That was crazy painful.’

As part of a school exchange program when she was just 16, Mareike went and lived in Wisconsin, USA for ten months. It was there that she first met lots of people with different styles of tattoos.

That same year, she had her tongue pierced by her friend in a basement (not something we’d recommend). She picked that spot because she needed something that she could easily hide from her mum.

These days, Mareike has around 500,000 followers on Instagram and, thinks the fact that she was the first heavily tattooed model on Germany’s Next Top Model helped her stand out on the show.

Mareike has over 66 tattoos BALI, INDONESIA. THIS INKED WOMAN with ?22K worth of tattoos says judgemental ex-boyfriends would not let her meet their parents - but now she is a famous model and has married the love of her life. Founder and Head Designer at Black Circle Mareike Herder (27) from Frankfurt, Germany enjoyed a normal, happy upbringing and childhood photographs show how she looked long before her fascination with tattoos began.? Mareike went and lived in Wisconsin, USA for ten months as part of a school exchange program when she was just 16 and it was here she met many different people with various styles of tattoos. Since then, she has amassed over 66 tattoos, two nose piercings, a piercing on her bottom lip and she has had her ears stretched. Mareike?s unique look most certainly can come across as intimidating to both men and women but her husband - Philipp - has always loved tattoos.? Their shared interest in tattoos is something they bond over with Mareike recently taking up tattooing Philipp with an array of different tattoos to expand his collection. Mareike?s own journey with body modification began by having her under tongue pierced at the age of 16 by her friend in a basement. She needed something that could be easily hidden from her mother. ?I have always really liked expressing myself in a different way and liked being able to stand out,? she said. ?By the time I was 23, I had covered almost my whole body. ?I have been getting tattooed for a long time, the shortest tattoo took about an hour and the longest took ten hours. So probably if you had to put all the time together it would tally up to a few weeks. ?I did my first tattoo myself when I was 17 and it was an anchor on my right foot. ?But my first proper tattoo by an artist I got when I was 18 and it was a feather on my right rib. ?It is now covered with a big bird and it?s part of the wing. I had a slightly different idea of what I thought was cool back then. I blame Tumblr - just joking. ?The last tattoo I did was on my palms and it's a peony which is my favorite flower. ?I?d say the most painful tattoo was blackening out the belly button. That was crazy painful.??? Mareike currently has almost 500,000 followers on Instagram and, after appearing on Germany's Next Top Model, her reach skyrocketed.? She also thinks the fact that she was the first heavily tattooed model on the show helped to make her stand out. ?A lot happened for me both on and after I appeared on the show,? she said. ?Lots of people used to message me to say they found it really cool and refreshing to see someone covered in tattoos could be relatable. ?Again a huge stigma, especially in Germany, is usually attached to this kind of look. ?Some people also said that after the show it has helped other people be more open and accepting of people with lots of tattoos and for helping to at least soften the stigma around it. ?Most people in Germany have a very conservative view around it. Which is nothing against it, but you do get judged a bit off the bat.? Initially Mareike?s tattoos were not well received by everyone. ?In Germany at the time people associated lots of tattoos with people not really being successful and just having a bad connotation to it,? said Mareike. ?I got a lot of ?but what will happen when you are old? from people. ?My parents were more concerned for my health because of the level of ?trauma' to my skin as I did so many in quite a short time. ?Today people are more clued up on what and how tattoos work. ?My family love my tattoos, even my mum has two now. ?My friends have always been supportive and know that my tattoos are part of who I am. Many have never even known me without them.? She wants to encourage others if they want to get into body modification to consider their futures for sure. ?If you want to get into body modification, think about the future, and what the long term after effects could be. ?For instance, my labret piercing in my bottom lip just above my chin, I had it stretched back then, and its closed now but if I want to 100% get rid of the hole, I would need surgery to fix it.? Mareike owns her own sustainable fashion label called the Black Circle, produced in Bali and shipping all over the world from their warehouse in Germany. The brand will be appearing in British Vogue this September under their designer showcase. ?I am so grateful for my big platform, it is thanks to that I have been able to start my own business and use my reach to develop it over time to where it is now. ?I do believe if I? didn?t have a specific look I most likely wouldn?t have gotten some of the opportunities I did which then in turn would mean I would have had to take a bit of a different route. ?Currently there are no plans in the near future to add to my collection of tattoos. ?My focus for right now is on growing the brand and enjoying life in beautiful Bali.
She’s got over 66 in total (Picture: Mediadrumworld/Mareike Herder)
Mareike still models but she also owns her own fashion company BALI, INDONESIA. THIS INKED WOMAN with ?22K worth of tattoos says judgemental ex-boyfriends would not let her meet their parents - but now she is a famous model and has married the love of her life. Founder and Head Designer at Black Circle Mareike Herder (27) from Frankfurt, Germany enjoyed a normal, happy upbringing and childhood photographs show how she looked long before her fascination with tattoos began.? Mareike went and lived in Wisconsin, USA for ten months as part of a school exchange program when she was just 16 and it was here she met many different people with various styles of tattoos. Since then, she has amassed over 66 tattoos, two nose piercings, a piercing on her bottom lip and she has had her ears stretched. Mareike?s unique look most certainly can come across as intimidating to both men and women but her husband - Philipp - has always loved tattoos.? Their shared interest in tattoos is something they bond over with Mareike recently taking up tattooing Philipp with an array of different tattoos to expand his collection. Mareike?s own journey with body modification began by having her under tongue pierced at the age of 16 by her friend in a basement. She needed something that could be easily hidden from her mother. ?I have always really liked expressing myself in a different way and liked being able to stand out,? she said. ?By the time I was 23, I had covered almost my whole body. ?I have been getting tattooed for a long time, the shortest tattoo took about an hour and the longest took ten hours. So probably if you had to put all the time together it would tally up to a few weeks. ?I did my first tattoo myself when I was 17 and it was an anchor on my right foot. ?But my first proper tattoo by an artist I got when I was 18 and it was a feather on my right rib. ?It is now covered with a big bird and it?s part of the wing. I had a slightly different idea of what I thought was cool back then. I blame Tumblr - just joking. ?The last tattoo I did was on my palms and it's a peony which is my favorite flower. ?I?d say the most painful tattoo was blackening out the belly button. That was crazy painful.??? Mareike currently has almost 500,000 followers on Instagram and, after appearing on Germany's Next Top Model, her reach skyrocketed.? She also thinks the fact that she was the first heavily tattooed model on the show helped to make her stand out. ?A lot happened for me both on and after I appeared on the show,? she said. ?Lots of people used to message me to say they found it really cool and refreshing to see someone covered in tattoos could be relatable. ?Again a huge stigma, especially in Germany, is usually attached to this kind of look. ?Some people also said that after the show it has helped other people be more open and accepting of people with lots of tattoos and for helping to at least soften the stigma around it. ?Most people in Germany have a very conservative view around it. Which is nothing against it, but you do get judged a bit off the bat.? Initially Mareike?s tattoos were not well received by everyone. ?In Germany at the time people associated lots of tattoos with people not really being successful and just having a bad connotation to it,? said Mareike. ?I got a lot of ?but what will happen when you are old? from people. ?My parents were more concerned for my health because of the level of ?trauma' to my skin as I did so many in quite a short time. ?Today people are more clued up on what and how tattoos work. ?My family love my tattoos, even my mum has two now. ?My friends have always been supportive and know that my tattoos are part of who I am. Many have never even known me without them.? She wants to encourage others if they want to get into body modification to consider their futures for sure. ?If you want to get into body modification, think about the future, and what the long term after effects could be. ?For instance, my labret piercing in my bottom lip just above my chin, I had it stretched back then, and its closed now but if I want to 100% get rid of the hole, I would need surgery to fix it.? Mareike owns her own sustainable fashion label called the Black Circle, produced in Bali and shipping all over the world from their warehouse in Germany. The brand will be appearing in British Vogue this September under their designer showcase. ?I am so grateful for my big platform, it is thanks to that I have been able to start my own business and use my reach to develop it over time to where it is now. ?I do believe if I? didn?t have a specific look I most likely wouldn?t have gotten some of the opportunities I did which then in turn would mean I would have had to take a bit of a different route. ?Currently there are no plans in the near future to add to my collection of tattoos. ?My focus for right now is on growing the brand an
She’s not planning on getting any more tattoos for the time being (Picture: Mediadrumworld/Mareike Herder)

‘A lot happened for me both on, and after I appeared on the show,’ she said.

‘Lots of people used to message me to say they found it really cool and refreshing to see someone covered in tattoos could be relatable.

‘Again a huge stigma, especially in Germany, is usually attached to this kind of look.

‘Some people also said that after the show it has helped other people be more open and accepting of people with lots of tattoos and for helping to at least soften the stigma around it.

‘Most people in Germany have a very conservative view around it. Which is nothing against it, but you do get judged a bit off the bat.’

Indeed, it took some time for her family to get used to the idea.

‘In Germany at the time people associated lots of tattoos with people not really being successful and just having a bad connotation to it,’ said Mareike.

‘I got a lot of “but what will happen when you are old” from people.

‘My parents were more concerned for my health because of the level of “trauma” to my skin as I did so many in quite a short time.

‘Today people are more clued-up on what and how tattoos work.

‘My family love my tattoos, even my mum has two now.

‘My friends have always been supportive and know that my tattoos are part of who I am. Many have never even known me without them.’

Have your say in the comments belowComment Now

With that being said, she does have some words of warning for people looking to get into body mods.

‘If you want to get into body modification, think about the future, and what the long-term after-effects could be.

‘For instance, my labret piercing in my bottom lip just above my chin, I had it stretched back then, and it’s closed now, but if I want to 100% get rid of the hole, I would need surgery to fix it.’

Mareike’s fashion label, which is produced in Bali and shipped from a warehouse in Germany, will be appearing in British Vogue this September under their designer showcase.

‘I am so grateful for my big platform,’ she said. ‘It is thanks to that I have been able to start my own business and use my reach to develop it over time to where it is now.

‘I do believe if I didn’t have a specific look I most likely wouldn’t have got some of the opportunities I did, which then in turn would mean I would have had to take a bit of a different route.

‘Currently, I have no plans in the near future to add to my collection of tattoos.

‘My focus for right now is on growing the brand and enjoying life in beautiful Bali.’

Do you have a story to share?

Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@Metro.co.uk.

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This is the latest country to launch a cheap rail pass https://metro.co.uk/2023/09/13/this-is-the-latest-country-to-launch-a-cheap-rail-pass-19492300/ https://metro.co.uk/2023/09/13/this-is-the-latest-country-to-launch-a-cheap-rail-pass-19492300/#respond Wed, 13 Sep 2023 11:41:08 +0000 https://metro.co.uk/?p=19492300
Man waiting for a train at the train station, side view
Ditch planes for trains (Picture: Getty Images)

We all love a holiday bargain, and now, yet another country is launching a cheap monthly rail pass – and this one costs about the same as just one week of Tube travel.

Following on from Germany relaunching the deutschlandticket and Portugal’s low cost rail pass, France now has joined the party with their own offering.

For only €49 (£42), those travelling on the rail pass in France can get unlimited travel for a month across the country. It includes TER regional services, intercity trains, and potentially local bus, metro and tram travel too.

Even if you don’t travel on it daily, you’ll likely still be making a saving instead of paying for journeys separately.

The pass is valid on TER routes such as Bordeaux to Arcachon, which usually costs €15 (£12.85).

There’s also savings to be had on long-distance routes. For example, if you booked Paris to Toulouse on the day, you could be forking out as much as €94 (£80.50) – almost double the new rail pass.

This pass comes after multiple domestic short-haul flights in France were banned, to get more people using trains.

Research has shown that a small proportion of flyers undertake a huge proportion of flights in Europe – the hope is, more people will pick transport options that are better for the environment.

The new pass is due to be available from summer of next year – so keep it in mind when you plan next year’s holiday.

Do you have a story to share?

Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@Metro.co.uk.

MORE : Flight forced to make emergency landing after passenger’s diarrhoea ‘ran through plane’

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Durex will give you £100 to test their new condoms — here’s how to get in on the action https://metro.co.uk/2023/09/13/durex-will-give-you-100-to-test-their-new-condoms-19491385/ https://metro.co.uk/2023/09/13/durex-will-give-you-100-to-test-their-new-condoms-19491385/#respond Wed, 13 Sep 2023 11:35:10 +0000 https://metro.co.uk/?p=19491385
Durex is recruiting 50 condom testers
Durex is recruiting 50 condom testers (Picture: Getty)

Let’s talk about sex, baby.

If you’re lucky enough to have a fun, healthy, sex life, good on you.

And for many of us, that involves using contraception in one form or another.

But when it comes to condoms, the ‘pleasure debate’ is often a sticking point for men in particular.

Research revealed that two thirds of UK singletons rarely use condoms, if at all, with a fifth of men claiming the reason they don’t is because they reduce sensation.

In response, Durex have launched Durex Nude, their thinnest condom to date.

Condom and yellow banana
Durex claims this is their thinnest condom yet which won’t reduce sensation (Durex: Getty Images)

The brand is so confident that this new condom won’t reduce sexual pleasure, that they’re hiring 50 Brits to test and review – each earning £100.

All you have to do is sign up via the Durex Instagram account from today and you can see whether the condoms deliver on their promise.

Those selected will receive a package containing Durex Nude condoms, Durex lube and a measurement guide alongside a QR code, where they can leave their review of the range.

And it’s not just reduced sensation that appears to put Brits off wrapping up. For 18% of singles, the reason they don’t like putting a condom on is because it makes sex less spontaneous, while another 11% said they were a mood killer.

But it seems that the role of a johnnie tester has never been more important, with a 24% rise year on year in STIs in the UK.

Nearly 20% of women also said they would judge a partner if they didn’t at least offer or suggest using a condom when it came to having sex with them for the first time.

Nikki Hayward, category marketing manager for Durex said: ‘After years of development, Nude, which is designed to feel it all, is our thinnest condom yet, and comes in three fits to ensure there’s an option to suit everyone.

‘We’re so confident that this condom will be a game changer when it comes to proving that condoms can actually make sex more enjoyable, that we’re putting our money where our mouth is, and recruiting our very own team of paid condom testers from across the UK.’

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Doctor issues urgent warning about neck cracking TikTok trend https://metro.co.uk/2023/09/13/doctor-issues-urgent-warning-about-neck-cracking-tiktok-trend-19492291/ https://metro.co.uk/2023/09/13/doctor-issues-urgent-warning-about-neck-cracking-tiktok-trend-19492291/#respond Wed, 13 Sep 2023 11:14:56 +0000 https://metro.co.uk/?p=19492291
Girl suffering from neck pain.
Cracking your neck? Then stop. (Picture: Getty)

From girl dinners to Madonna squats, TikTok regularly gets us obsessed with the most niche content.

At the moment, chiropractors are having their moment in the spotlight – specifically, videos where patients get their necks, backs and joints cracked.

However, while they might be weirdly addictive to watch, a doctor has warned TikTok users against getting this kind of treatment.

They’re also worried that users will try the methods at home, sharing stark warnings against doing so.

Taking to TikTok, Dr Ever Arias was just one expert who shared his advice.

Speaking to his 136,200 followers, Dr Arias noted how one of his patients, aged 20, had visited the hospital after hearing a snapping noise during a session with her chiropractor.

The patient had actually suffered a cervical compression fracture – essentially a broken neck, caused by compression or pressure on the bone.

Such fractures can be treated properly by wearing a brace for up to eight weeks, but more serious breaks may require surgery and months spent in a cast.

Dr Arias also warned of other serious conditions that can be brought on by these cracking sessions.

‘It’s important to understand that if you crack your neck there’s a couple situations that you could put yourself in,’ Dr Arias explained. ‘I see that is sometimes people come in with strokes and they had a chiropractor manipulate their neck – and they ended up having a vertebral artery dissection that caused them to have a stroke.’

In more simple terms, the cracking caused a tear in the wall of one of the large blood vessels in the neck, which went on to cause a stroke.

‘It’s important that if you go into a chiropractor you tell them, “don’t touch my neck,”‘ Dr Arias said.

He also says you should never try a DIY job.

‘You could cause your own vertebral artery dissection or other injuries to vessels in the structure of the neck.’

At the end of the video he added: ‘So just hopefully you use that information to never crack your neck again.’

Since being posted, the clip has over 5.4 million views and thousands of viewers took to the comments section to react. Many users said they won’t stop cracking their neck despite the warning.

‘If I don’t crack my neck I feel stiff and get a pressure pain down my back,’ one viewer wrote.

While another added: ‘Neck cracking is an addiction. I am going to need more than “never crack your neck again.”‘

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Asking someone’s pronouns is as important as finding out their name https://metro.co.uk/2023/09/13/talking-about-pronouns-isnt-a-chore-its-like-asking-someones-name-19491080/ https://metro.co.uk/2023/09/13/talking-about-pronouns-isnt-a-chore-its-like-asking-someones-name-19491080/#respond Wed, 13 Sep 2023 10:59:42 +0000 https://metro.co.uk/?p=19491080
Ugla Stefanía Kristjönudóttir Jónsdóttir sitting on a rainbow staircase
When misgendering used to happen, it was really emotionally draining (Picture: Móa Hjartardóttir)

I don’t get why people make such a big deal about asking others about their pronouns – or sharing their own, for that matter.

They’re something we use in communication with everyone we interact with on a daily basis. 

The way I see it, making your pronouns clear is no different than people clarifying that your name is, in fact, just ‘Becca’ and not ‘Rebecca’, or someone correcting another who has pronounced their name wrong. It takes the same amount of time.

So why do so many act as if it’s some laborious, insulting task to either ask someone else or declare their own pronouns?

When I first came out as trans in 2008, it was common for people to misgender me. Back then I asked people to use she/her for me, while in recent years I’ve also become OK with either she/her or they/them.

When misgendering used to happen, it was really emotionally draining.

I remember one instance where I got misgendered when I was working in a shop, where a woman referred to me as ‘the boy at the till’, and I just felt incredibly defeated and disheartened the entire day.

Every single time it happened it felt like a punch to the stomach, and my heart sank. That’s because, when people don’t see you as who you really are, it can be incredibly demoralising. 

Thankfully, it never happens anymore but, when it does, it’s by people like trolls on social media or personalities known for being transphobic, who are deliberately trying to bully me or hurt me.

Taking the time to care about pronouns isn’t a big deal, and is the respectful thing to do

But I’ve also come to a place in life where these things don’t affect me anymore because I’m loved and supported by everyone important to me.

What a stranger thinks of me or my gender is unimportant – but I would still correct people if it were to happen in real life.

The thing is: For most people, pronouns aren’t really something they think about. They’re just a part of language that we use when referring to people based on our outward perception of their gender.

Most people have always had the privilege of people referring to them by words that feel right for them, and have therefore never had to question it. But that’s not necessarily the case for everyone.

Some trans people – or people that are in some way gender non-conforming – often get misgendered.

This is why it can be very helpful to ask people what pronouns they use when meeting them for the first time or doing introductions. Asking this makes sure people won’t get wrong, and allows everyone to communicate with people respectfully.

Have you ever been misgendered? Have your say in the comments belowComment Now

So instead of responding in a negative way by refusing to share pronouns, saying it takes too much time or that they aren’t important, we need to remember that a person’s pronouns are special to them. 

This is especially worth considering when it comes to those who might not always be perceived as who they really are, and in particular those who go by the singular they/them, which people rarely use as default in conversation.

Taking the time to care about pronouns isn’t a big deal, and is the respectful thing to do. It’s like the start of the new school year; a teacher might ask students if they go by any other names than the one on the register. 

No one begrudges this ‘waste of time’ or sees this as a pointless activity. It’s just a case of finding out relevant information about the people you’re surrounded by.

Pronouns, like names, are important to us as people, and I can guarantee you that if everyone suddenly started addressing you with a different pronoun than the one you’re used to, you’d probably start to feel weird about it and ask them to not do that.

More from Platform

Platform is the home of Metro.co.uk's first-person and opinion pieces, devoted to giving a platform to underheard and underrepresented voices in the media.

Find some of our best reads of the week below:

Linda Aitchison was terrified when her doctor suspected cancer following some worrying symptoms. The writer was filled with relief when it transpired to be her long-forgotten 15-year-old coil.

Metro.co.uk's Alicia Adejobi slammed Kanye West and shared how she felt humiliation and sadness for his 'wife' Bianca Censori after seeing her outfits in Italy.

An anonymous writer explains how, after never having the best relationship with his father, he gave his dad a second chance by allowing him to be an active grandparent. Something his father has taken for granted.

And Shane Harding retells the story of how she met her soulmate Mert on holiday in Turkey. Mert travelled 300 miles and spent £400 on a taxi just to make their first date.

Of course, we are all humans and we do make mistakes – and that’s OK. As long as we correct ourselves and apologise when it happens – and make sure we do better next time – you’re on the right track.

It costs us nothing to be willing to share how we like to address ourselves, or being corrected if we get it wrong.  

I’ve noticed that people seem to have an easier time correcting themselves or accepting clarification when it comes down to pets.

My dog is one of those dainty little skinny dogs (half Italian greyhound and whippet) and people often start by referring to him as ‘she’ on dog walks. I don’t always correct people, but once people find out, they apologise profusely and don’t get it wrong after that.

If only people could offer the same courtesy to people, who are actually negatively impacted by being misgendered. 

Pronouns don’t have to be a big deal – all we have to do is respect what words people want us to use, and do our best to use them appropriately. There’s no good reason to refuse to use them – it’s simply cruel and rude to do so. 

So next time you find yourself getting annoyed about it all, just remember that they’re something we all use, just like we all have names. We all deserve to be referred to in a way that makes us feel comfortable – trans or not.

Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing jess.austin@metro.co.uk

Share your views in the comments below.

MORE : Banning trans children from changing pronouns in school ‘would be unlawful’

MORE : Suzy Eddie Izzard sets record straight on names and pronouns – and what you definitely should not call her

MORE : Róisín Murphy’s record label ‘to donate new album proceeds to transgender charities’ after backlash over comments

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Woman stands on street with cardboard sign to get dates https://metro.co.uk/2023/09/13/woman-stands-on-street-with-cardboard-sign-to-get-dates-19492131/ https://metro.co.uk/2023/09/13/woman-stands-on-street-with-cardboard-sign-to-get-dates-19492131/#respond Wed, 13 Sep 2023 10:34:39 +0000 https://metro.co.uk/?p=19492131
Karolina Getis hits the streets of New York City with 'looking for a husband' sign.
Karolina received plenty attention with her sign (Picture: Karolina Getis/SWNS)

Tired of dating apps and the myriad ways virtual communications kill off real-life romance?

Rather than continuing to dejectedly swipe with no success, Karolina Getis decided to do something about her frustration with virtual matchmaking, taking matters quite literally into her own hands.

The 29-year-old said she no longer wanted to ‘waste time on dating apps’, and had joked with friends that she’d rather stand on the street with a sign than go through the rigmarole of meeting a partner online.

Yet the idea struck a chord with Karolina, and she made a plan to turn her quip into a reality with with a placard that showed off her single status.

The model hit the streets of New York City earlier this month holding a cardboard sign which read ‘looking for a husband’.

It also featured her Instagram handle, so any interested parties could contact her on social media if they weren’t brave enough to do so in person.

Karolina received all sorts of attention through pulling the stunt, with onlookers smiling and taking photos.

One man was even dragged away by his partner after staring a little too long at the inventive singleton, who has previously done similar with signs bearing slogans like ‘need money for Chanel.’

Karolina Getis.
The model and influencer is now in touch with a man she met through the stunt (Picture: Karolina Getis/SWNS)

The daring attitude paid off, too, as Karolina was swept off her feet by someone who she’s kept in contact with since.

The influencer said: ‘One guy at the end saw the sign and came and picked me up – I’m now in touch with him and we’re chatting with each other.

‘We’ll see what happens in the future. At the moment we are just talking.’

Karolina Getis holds up a 'need money for Chanel' sign on the streets of NYC in one of her fun TikToks.
She’s had success with street signs in the past (Picture: Karolina Getis/SWNS)

Speaking about her bold approach for getting what she wants, Karolina added: ‘These things give me so much energy and people’s reactions are always positive – I love doing it.

‘I do it to get out of my comfort zone – people were in shock on the street but always saying “go girl, find your husband”.

‘The funniest thing is when I am doing it, I’m usually I’m holding the sign and I don’t see the reactions until my videographer shows me.’

After the Chanel sign was a success, landing her a pot of cash which she plans to spend on a designer handbag from the brand, she’s a big advocate for the unique method.

‘If you ask correctly, everything will come to you,’ said Karoline. ‘And if you need something just make a sign.’

Do you have a story to share?

Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@Metro.co.uk.

MORE : Skint, single and can’t afford to mingle: Dating costs money we don’t have

MORE : Is your date the eldest, middle or youngest child? These are the red flags to look for

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Woman loses all her hair and is forced to quit job after topical steroid withdrawal https://metro.co.uk/2023/09/13/woman-forced-to-quit-job-and-loses-hair-after-steroid-withdrawal-19488852/ https://metro.co.uk/2023/09/13/woman-forced-to-quit-job-and-loses-hair-after-steroid-withdrawal-19488852/#respond Wed, 13 Sep 2023 10:18:00 +0000 https://metro.co.uk/?p=19488852
Sharon
Sharon is warning others of the dangers(Picture: Sharon Shute / SWNS)

A woman has shared how severe topical steroid withdrawal (TSW) caused a whole host of health problems and even forced her to quit her job.

In February this year, Sharon Shute was prescribed steroid tablets and creams to treat a spot on her neck

But after just two weeks, the 55-year-old – from Colchester, Essex – stopped using the cream as it was making the rash even worse.

The first signs of topical steroid withdrawal came after she tried to taper from five to two pills a day, and symptoms returned every single time she attempted to reduce her tablet intake.

Sharon Shute, from Colchester
‘ It’s changed me and my life’ (Picture: Sharon Shute / SWNS)
Sharon Shute, from Colchester
‘I felt like I was on fire’ (Picture: Sharon Shute / SWNS)

TSW is a reaction people face when they stop using over-the-counter steroid creams – which are widely used as a remedy for eczema and other skin conditions. Those suffering from TSW can suffer hair loss, insomnia, flaking skin, and sore, puss-filled blisters amongst other issues.

Sharon said: ‘My legs turn purple and swell up. My hands would swell. My ears would clog up and I’d be deaf for the day. I had insomnia – I’d be awake most nights itching my skin.

‘Sometimes I’d wake up and I couldn’t move my head and face because the skin was so dry and tight. My eyes are dry, and lids are sometimes hard to blink.’

In July, things were so severe that Sharon had to be admitted to hospital.

She continued: ‘The rash had covered most of my body and Eythroderma was a life-threatening condition.

‘I felt like I was on fire.

‘My lowest point was when I smiled at a patient’s visiting grandchildren and they turned away because they were scared of my face.’

Sharon Shute, from Colchester
‘ I think if I never had been prescribed steroids orally and creams my original rash would have healed by now’ (Picture: Sharon Shute / SWNS)
Sharon Shute, from Colchester
She was even hospitalised (Picture: Sharon Shute / SWNS)

Now, Sharon experiences burning arms and legs, shredding skin, and purple legs and hands when she stands or walks for an extended period of time.

She also can’t regulate body heat and has lost nearly all her hair.

These health issues have even resulted in her quitting her job as a nursery plant assistant. Currently, she’s living off Statutory Sick Pay, at £109.40 a week.

Sharon Shute, from Colchester
She’s since lost her hair (Picture: Sharon Shute / SWNS)
Have you experienced any side effects from topical steroid withdrawal?Comment Now

Sharon says TSW has completely upended her life – emotionally, physically and financially – and she wishes she never used steroid creams in the first place.

She said: ‘I think if I never had been prescribed steroids orally and creams my original rash would have healed by now. It’s changed me and my life.

‘It’s hard to see a future where I’m not ill, to be honest. It really brings me down. I’m hoping my new medication Methotrexate will improve my condition.’

She hopes sharing her story will help warn others of the consequences around steroid creams.

Do you have a story to share?

Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@Metro.co.uk.

MORE : We thought my baby had eczema. Then she had her eye removed

MORE : ‘Topical steroid withdrawal left me depressed – I’m finally getting my life back’

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‘We fell out spectacularly’: Friends share the joy of reuniting after a break up https://metro.co.uk/2023/09/13/friends-share-the-joy-of-reuniting-after-falling-out-19491104/ https://metro.co.uk/2023/09/13/friends-share-the-joy-of-reuniting-after-falling-out-19491104/#respond Wed, 13 Sep 2023 10:07:27 +0000 https://metro.co.uk/?p=19491104
After their infamous falling out, Kylie and Jordyn seem to be pals again (Picture: TikTok/Kylie Jenner)
After their infamous falling out, Kylie and Jordyn seem to be pals again (Picture: TikTok/Kylie Jenner)

When Kylie Jenner and Jordyn Woods were spotted in an TikTok video together for the first time in years, after infamously falling out, the public were intrigued.

The pair were also pictured together during the summer, when they were seen leaving a sushi restaurant.

Friends come and go – but then, it seems, some friends come back.

Reconnecting with a friend can benefit us mentally, as a report from the American Psychological Association found that reaching out to a long-lost friend can cause an increase in ‘positive feelings’ for both you and the friend.

We’re social and sentimental creatures – when looking at romantic breakups, a study found 44% of people who broke up got back together again.

Bad blood and drifting doesn’t have to last forever, and these Metro.co.uk readers show there’s a way to move forward.

We joke that Matt Cardle from X-Factor saved our friendship

Charly Lewis, 35, and Carly Turner
Ups and downs (Picture: Charly Lewis)

Charly Lewis, 35, and Carly Turner, 35, are close friends living in London.

They met at school, but became close when they both moved to London.

‘In 2010, we found ourselves living in the same area of London and in similar stages of life,’ Charly says. ‘That was it! We became close very quickly and had the best (and most wild!) time together.’

But, Charly notes that the pair have fallen out ‘spectacularly’ on two occasions.

‘The first time was a long, long time ago and I genuinely can’t remember why,’ she says.

‘We didn’t speak for about six months. But I heard through mutual friends that Carly was unwell, so I felt as though I needed to get in touch – but wasn’t sure how to make that first step.

‘I was working in TV and we had the singer Matt Cardle in for interview. I knew Carly had loved him on The X Factor so I cheekily asked if I could take a photo of him holding a sign saying: “Get well soon Carly” and I sent it to her.

‘We put everything that had happened behind us and slotted right back to where we had been. We also joke about how Matt Cardle saved our friendship.’

They then fell out again more than 10 years later, in 2021.

‘The catalyst was that I felt left out and didn’t address it very well. We didn’t speak for about a year. I’d been thinking about Carly though as I’d heard a song we loved on the radio, and then bizarrely she messaged that day just asking how I was. We met up and chatted and both wanted the friendship to work again.’

They missed each other when they weren’t talking and compared it to a romantic breakup.

‘I don’t think we give enough thought to how upsetting the break up of a platonic relationship can be,’ Charly continues.

‘There is still a lot that reminds you of them as you go about your daily life and you have so many fun memories that can come back and make you feel sad to not have that person in your life anymore.

‘I feel as a society we have sympathy for when you break up with a partner but less understanding of friendships ending.

‘We are so glad that we are friends again! I think it says a lot that we’ve been through bad times but still value one another enough to want the friendship to work. It makes our friendship stronger. 

‘It’s so brilliant to have someone who knows everything about you, including the bad sides, and still wants to be mates. 

‘I think some friendships will come and go, and that’s fine. And then there are a rare few that you will never be able to replace and you can’t let them go!’

Being uninvited to her wedding left me devastated

Laura Sylvester, 32, and Ruby Henderson, 35
Together again (Picture: Laura Sylvester)

Laura Sylvester, 32, and Ruby Henderson, 35, are both from Preston and met at a charity fashion show they were both taking part in, when they were aged 19 and 22, respectively.

Laura says: ‘I remember connecting with her as, like me, she was quite quiet, and different from the other girls, with her fiery red hair and pale skin.

‘We had so much in common it felt like I’d known her for years, so we promised to stay in touch after the show, but we forgot to take each other’s details.

‘A couple of years later, I was in hospital and one of my tutors mentioned a girl at college that seemed to be going through something similar and that maybe I could talk to her – it turned out to be her! From there we became really close friends.

‘But then in 2014 she sent me an invitation to her wedding which was an honour. But as time got nearer to the wedding, I received a Facebook message from her saying they were having to reduce the numbers for the wedding and were only have close friends and family.

‘I wasn’t included and therefore could not come to the wedding.

‘As you’d imagine, I was absolutely devastated. I didn’t feel important or like I mattered enough as a friend to her.’

they day they met
The day they met (Picture: Laura Sylvester)

From that point on, the friends stopped speaking – bar an occasional message here and there.

‘We spoke briefly over messages, mainly for advice through some difficult times,’ Laura explains. ‘In 2017 when I was in a unwell she told me she was coming to visit me in hospital and bring some essentials – then she didn’t get in touch for two years.

‘In 2019 she gave birth and I sent her a message to congratulate her.

‘I did miss her and I thought of her a lot, as I still had her on Facebook, so I would see updates. It felt hard not being part of her life. Despite what had happened, she still meant a lot to me.’

In lockdown, they finally met up for the first time in years.

‘Since 2020 we began speaking again properly, like nothing had ever happened,’ she continues.

‘I never felt bitter, I always knew deep down we’d be in each other’s lives, people just go through things and that’s okay. I’m not the type of person to hold grudges.

‘Our friendship now is even closer and couldn’t be better. We’ve been through a lot together, she means a lot to me and always will no matter what happens.

‘I’m a great believer in things happening for a reason, but it’s clear that we were always meant to be friends. I adore her deeply, she’s a wonderful person.’

Reuniting with friends after a fallout

Sarah Kauter, a qualified life coach and founder of the Athena Method, says: 

‘Consider the specific situation that led to your friendship breakdown. Did you have a massive row, or just drift apart? If the tension between you stems from something that’s abnormal for your relationship and not a pattern or ongoing occurrence, then that’s a solid basis for a reunion.

‘If you are the friend who’s being told you’ve caused upset, it’s important that you’re open minded about the situation. If you can’t take accountability, the situation won’t be resolved. Ultimately, you must both be willing to listen, accept wrongdoing, respect one another’s feelings, and make positive changes moving forward.’

‘After reigniting a friendship, you must both outline your respective boundaries so that you don’t feel disrespected again moving forward. Explain why you’re upset, the action that caused this, and why it triggered a reaction, so your friend can better understand you and prevent this reoccurring in the future. Communication is key.’ 

Do you have a story to share?

Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@Metro.co.uk.

MORE : TikToker who paid group restaurant bill calls out ‘friend’ who still owes her £192

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We’re polyamorous – here’s what that actually means https://metro.co.uk/2023/09/13/were-polyamorous-heres-what-that-actually-means-17870013/ Wed, 13 Sep 2023 09:54:07 +0000 https://metro.co.uk/?p=17870013
Max taking a selfie
I’m Max, a disabled and DeafBlind genderqueer person (Picture: Max Fisher)

Polyamory often involves a lot of talking.

I still recall discussing it with someone I was interested in dating and spending about four hours on the sofa going through what we were both comfortable with.  

This included things like what rules we wanted in place, such as when we would inform the other if we were interested in anyone else, the way the relationship would function and ensuring I fully explained the essentials so I could relax knowing they had fully and ethically consented to polyamory. In fact, we’re still friends now.

I’m Max, a disabled and DeafBlind genderqueer person, and myself and my friend Jasper, a proudly Deaf and disabled trans man, both identify on the asexual spectrum (a person who experiences little or no sexual attraction), and we are also polyamorous and unapologetically queer.  

By this we mean that we view sexuality as more nuanced than a narrow identity –  it’s dynamic, fluid, and way beyond the binary of heteronormativity. 

We are full to the brim with love and contrary to popular belief, we’re not dating each other!   

My first real conversation about polyamory was during a caucus at an LGBT+ student conference.

I remember afterwards when I spoke to a fellow delegate about it, they said ‘Wow, you? polyamorous? I thought you’d have trouble finding one partner, let alone two.’ I was shocked. 

They hadn’t considered that disabled people could be polyamorous. We had an uncomfortable discussion about how polyamory is for everyone, regardless of disability, sexuality, gender, religion, race, or age.  

But it often seems so taboo, portrayed as this niche club that you can only be a part of if you tick certain boxes. 

Max in front of a window with festive lights
 In my first polyamorous relationship, we all decided to dive in headfirst (Picture: Max Fisher)

For me, the word ‘polyamory’ always lurked in the background of my vocabulary, and there was no big moment of sudden realisation, just a development of my life to that point. 

In the six years or so that I’ve been polyamorous, I’ve been in a number of successful relationships.  

In my first polyamorous relationship, we all decided to dive in headfirst.  

We discussed among ourselves the basics of this approach, and we even wondered whether or not it was legal.

We had to learn to communicate and navigate situations as they unfolded, which wasn’t without problems. New relationship energy took hold of each of us individually, and we fell into the trap of thinking that all our partners had to meet and be best friends – or even date each other.

We all lacked the nuance that research could’ve given us, but that relationship taught me many things about not just non-monogamy, but myself too.  

Jasper taking part in an activity for Pride
I am currently in three separate relationships and have been happily for over four years (Picture: Jasper Williams)

I (Jasper) have had a slightly different experience to Max.  

I entered my first non-monogamous relationship accidentally – halfway through a first date, the person mentioned they had a girlfriend.  

My mind was blown, and I was introduced to the world of polyamory. I didn’t totally get it at the time, and it felt like they didn’t either.

When, for example, they would go on a date with someone, I was usually informed after the fact. 

This was a turning point in knowing what became crucial to me, the importance of an ethical non-monogamous relationship, and how I planned to communicate with future partners.  

It made me realise I valued open and honest conversations from the get-go and that I wanted my connections all to be significantly separate, but equally important.  

I am currently in three separate relationships and have been happily for over four years.  

A few facts about non-monogamous relationships...

Monogamy vs. ethical non-monogamy  

Monogamy is a relationship between two people, whereas ethical non-monogamy is anarrangement where consenting adults have multiple connections. This could be any form of relationship, as long as there is consent.  

Polyamory vs. polygamy    

Polyamory is a form of ethical non-monogamy when you have multiple relationships with different people at the same time. Polygamy is when a person (usually a man) is married to multiple people; it is not legal in the UK.  

Open relationships vs. (closed) throuples  

An open relationship is when a couple agrees to ‘open up’ their relationship. At least one partner has emotional or sexual connections with people outside of their relationship, but the couple is the primary relationship. A throuple is a relationship between three people who all date each other, but usually do not date anyone else.

One of the biggest myths is that polyamory is ‘just cheating’.  

If you are having an affair, it is not polyamory and it is not ethical non-monogamy. Cheating often involves lies, deception, and relationships outside of the boundaries of existing committed relationships. 

Polyamory relies on consent, trust, and honesty, while cheating is condemned. The only difference with traditional relationships is the number of partners we have. 

A grey area can occur when someone in a monogamous relationship has feelings for more than one person but remains fixated on that search for ‘the one’. 

Would you consider polyamory?Comment Now

Non-monogamy is made up of healthy, consensual relationships, without focusing on finding your one true soulmate.

Another myth is that we all just want to have threesomes.  

TV shows like Open House (which sees real-life ‘committed couples’ experiment with threesomes), and the drama You Me Her, (where a closed throuple navigates their sex lives and jealousy), only push the narrative that polyamory is just about one extra person.  

It diminishes polyamorous relationships to group sex, and it prevents different romantic dynamics from being seen as equal. 

Jasper outside, smiling at the camera
Please respect our relationships, even if they are different to yours (Picture: Jasper Williams)

There are many types of relationships under the non-monogamy umbrella, some will involve more than one person dating the same people, and others won’t. 

We’ve also encountered an idea that there must be some kind of rivalry of who is the ‘better’ partner when actually, in healthy non-monogamy, there is regular transparent communication to ensure that everyone feels they are treated equally and not excluded.  

Some connections may be hierarchical, others won’t be.  

Not every partner wants to be treated exactly the same.  

In a nesting partnership (where partners typically live together, share finances and have other joint responsibilities) other partners might not want that level of commitment, just like some monogamous couples choose not to live together.  

Some partners want a more casual approach, and conversations in any partnership should make sure you are on the same page.   

More from Platform

Platform is the home of Metro.co.uk's first-person and opinion pieces, devoted to giving a platform to underheard and underrepresented voices in the media.

Find some of our best reads of the week below:

Linda Aitchison was terrified when her doctor suspected cancer following some worrying symptoms. The writer was filled with relief when it transpired to be her long-forgotten 15-year-old coil.

Metro.co.uk's Alicia Adejobi slammed Kanye West and shared how she felt humiliation and sadness for his 'wife' Bianca Censori after seeing her outfits in Italy.

An anonymous writer explains how, after never having the best relationship with his father, he gave his dad a second chance by allowing him to be an active grandparent. Something his father has taken for granted.

And Shane Harding retells the story of how she met her soulmate Mert on holiday in Turkey. Mert travelled 300 miles and spent £400 on a taxi just to make their first date.

There is more to polyamory than sex; most (if not all) representation focuses on shocking viewers with exaggerated tropes, painting us as weird.  

Please respect our relationships, even if they are different to yours and you don’t fully understand them. We’re not actually unicorns, we walk among you, and there’s more of us than you think.

Polyamory represents is love, in the many forms that it takes.

Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing Ross.Mccafferty@metro.co.uk. 

Share your views in the comments below.

MORE : Hinge users can now specify if they’re looking for ethical non-monogamy

MORE : Should you try ethical non-monogamy? 11 questions to ask yourself

MORE : What is ethical non-monogamy and what should you do if you want to give it a try?

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Going no contact with a relative? Here’s how to have that ‘break-up’ conversation https://metro.co.uk/2023/09/13/going-no-contact-with-a-relative-heres-how-to-have-a-break-up-talk-19479891/ https://metro.co.uk/2023/09/13/going-no-contact-with-a-relative-heres-how-to-have-a-break-up-talk-19479891/#respond Wed, 13 Sep 2023 09:27:08 +0000 https://metro.co.uk/?p=19479891
A person looking forlorn
If you want to at all, that is (Picture: Getty Images)

So you’ve decided to cut things off with a relative who’s done you wrong – now what?

First of all, it’s important to point out that there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to estrangement because every situation is different.

Someone might benefit from having a ‘break-up’ conversation with the family member they want to go no contact with, while others – and this goes double for those who’ve been abused – may benefit most from just ghosting.

If you decide you’re in the former category and want to have that tough talk, there are some things you should keep in mind.

Clinical psychologist Dr Joseph Barker tells Metro.co.uk the first thing you need to do is decide what you really want the outcome of the conversation to be, because the complicated mixture of guilt, shame, regret, uncertainty and/or abandonment can easily make us waver in the moment.

‘Hyperarousal (emotions such as anxiety, anger, and fear) is often at its most intense immediately before and during the conversation itself,’ he explains, ‘while hypoarousal (emotions like sadness, guilt, shame, numbness, sadness) is often most intense following the conversation.

‘This means without a clear aim of the conversation to cut contact, we are likely to be pulled into relenting to gain relief from strong emotions and allow the person another opportunity to remain in our lives.’

And what does a reasonable, realistic outcome look like?

‘Clearly stating our boundaries and expectations should be a key goal for the conversation,’ advises Dr Joseph. ‘We are aiming to establish a new relational pattern in place of an old one. Establishing clear boundaries for the new pattern is important to allow both parties to stick to it.

‘Outlining exactly what “no contact” means in practice, when this will take effect, and what actions you will take to reinforce this is key. For example, explicitly stating you do not wish to have any future contact face to face, by phone call, text, or social media, or indirect contact through acquaintances or children is often helpful.

‘Outlining your responses to attempts to cross this boundary is also important, for example setting the expectation that you will not reply to calls, will block the other party on social media, and will not open any emails or letters.’

Part of being realistic about your goals means accepting that you cannot make somebody change – if things were that simple, you probably wouldn’t feel the need to go no-contact in the first place.

Dr Joseph explains: ‘While you may wish to explain the reasons for cutting the person out of your life, it is important to understand what you hope to gain from this. It is impossible to control other people’s behaviour, and it is possible that we will not receive the apology, acknowledgement or closure we desire.’

It’s tempting to try and get them to understand you one last time, but Dr Joseph warns that this can open you up to manipulation tactics – that’s why it’s best to keep things as brief as possible.

‘At this point,’ he says, ‘the other person is likely to have a number of strategies that have prevented you from cutting off the relationship previously. These may include gaslighting, guilt-tripping, excuses, fear, or financial control.

‘Understanding which strategies have kept you in the relationship to date will make it easier not to be influenced by them in this conversation. Ultimately the conversation should be kept brief, allow you to state the points you need to and end with a clear set of expectations of the new boundary.’

young businessman thinking
Try to keep the chat brief (Picture: Getty Images)

You might also want to do some admin prep ahead of time, considering things like what your living arrangements will be, and how you might get any of your possessions back.

It’s also a good idea to think about how you’ll manage relationships with any family members who still have the person or people you’re cutting off in their lives.

‘Asking your social circle not to give any updates about the person you wish to cut contact with and asking them not to share any information about you can also be helpful,’ Dr Joseph adds.

You can also write down what you want to say, and the likely responses you might get in return.

‘Having key points and responses prepared in advance means we don’t need to think of responses on the spot,’ he tells us. ‘This may also reduce the emotional impact of the conversation at the time and allow the key points to be heard.’

But remember, no matter how much perfect prep you do, there’s still a good chance the conversation could turn sour.

So, make sure you’re certain you definitely want to do this in person or would something with a bit more distance like a letter serve your purposes just as well?

Have your say in the comments belowComment Now

There’s also your personal safety to consider.

‘It is advisable to let a friend know where you are going and your intention, with a plan to check in at a specific time,’ says Dr Joseph.

‘This may mean rather than speaking face to face, other forms of communication are preferable such as video call, phone, or letter.’

Remember, while it might not be a satisfying thought, the search for perfect closure can sometimes lead you to places that aren’t worth going.

So just keep it simple, stick to your guns, and then get busy living.

Degrees of Separation

This series aims to offer a nuanced look at familial estrangement.

Estrangement is not a one-size-fits-all situation, and we want to give voice to those who've been through it themselves.

If you've experienced estrangement personally and want to share your story, you can email aidan.milan@metro.co.uk and/or jess.austin@metro.co.uk

MORE : Miley Cyrus in tears talking about relationship to ‘estranged’ father Billy Ray Cyrus

MORE : My dad has always been stroppy and rude – but now it’s affecting my kids

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Save £50 on *the* bestselling Ninja air fryer as the brand slashes prices on whole range of kitchen essentials https://metro.co.uk/2023/09/13/ninja-air-fryers-on-sale-as-brand-slashes-prices-of-bestselling-items-19454810/ https://metro.co.uk/2023/09/13/ninja-air-fryers-on-sale-as-brand-slashes-prices-of-bestselling-items-19454810/#respond Wed, 13 Sep 2023 07:00:00 +0000 https://metro.co.uk/?p=19454810
Save £50 on *the* bestselling Ninja air fryer as the brand slashes prices on whole range of kitchen essentials
Shop the whole range of Ninja gadgets – with so many on sale right now (Picture: Ninja)

SHOPPING – Contains affiliated content. Products featured in this Metro article are selected by our shopping writers. If you make a purchase using links on this page, Metro.co.uk will earn an affiliate commission. Click here for more information.

Ninja always comes up with the goods for winning home appliances, with some of the top-rated air fryers, food processors, blenders and multi-cookers in the business.

And its late summer sale is as smoking hot as that impromptu heat wave in the UK, with prices slashed across some of their bestsellers – including *that* Ninja air fryer.

Some of our favourite deals include the Ninja 3-in-1 Food Processor, which is on sale for £169.99 from £199.99, and the Ninja Foodi 11-in-1 SmartLid Multi-Cooker, down to £249.99 from £299.99).

If you’re updating your kitchen appliances and want to invest in the gadgets shoppers are raving about, you’re in the right place.

Keep reading to find more bargains in the Ninja sale.

Best Ninja deals right now

Ninja Foodi MAX Dual Zone Air Fryer

Ninja Foodi MAX Dual Zone Air Fryer

This bestselling air fryer is the UK’s largest-capacity dual-zone air fryer, which will help you save 65% on your energy bill. There are two compartments, meaning you could cook, say, a whole chicken and a batch of fries or tasty roasties for the whole family with little effort and mess. Sounds like a Sunday winner to us! The reviews say: 'Great product, very quick to cook healthy meals, easy to use, and life changing.'

Buy Now for £199.99 (FRom £249.99)
Ninja 3-in-1 Food Processor with Auto-IQ

Ninja 3-in-1 Food Processor with Auto-IQ

This food processor and blender literally does everything, from dips to drinks to doughs to desserts. The 3-in-1 gadget includes a food processor, multi-serve blender and personal blender with automatic one-touch blending and processing programs for a super easy procedure. The reviews say: 'I’ve recently started a diet and was looking to purchase a smoothie maker, when I came across the Ninja 3 in 1 blender. 'The blades are super sharp and make light work of everything, including ice. The units are easy to clean and it looks great on my counter top. The time saved chopping and slicing vegetables makes this unit worth every penny.'

Buy Now for £169.99 (from £199.99)
Ninja Stainless Steel Perfect Temperature Kettle, Rapid Boil

Ninja Stainless Steel Perfect Temperature Kettle, Rapid Boil

The Ninja Perfect Temperature Kettle helps you brew the perfect cup of tea, coffee or hot chocolate in a flash, with six pre-set temperatures ranging from 60°C to 100°C. The reviews say: 'Decided to spend a bit more on a replacement kettle and so far so good. It is excellent. Yes it is a bit noisier but nothing untoward. 'It feels solid compared to some kettles that you can buy. Have not used all the settings but the keep warm function is a nice touch.'

Buy Now for £79.99 (from £99.99)
Ninja Foodi 3-in-1 Hand Blender, Mixer and Chopper

Ninja Foodi 3-in-1 Hand Blender, Mixer and Chopper

This trio of gadgets includes a full-sized hand mixer, hand blender and chopper so that you can beat, whisk, mix, blend and chop with ease. The blender features two blending speeds and five mixing speeds. The reviews say: 'This is the best hand blender I’ve had and with the whisk and mixer attachments, it’s made a few of my existing kitchen tools redundant! 'I’m so glad I bought it!'

Buy Now for £129.99 (from £99.99)
Ninja Air Fryer MAX

Ninja Air Fryer MAX

The Ninja Air Fryer MAX has a large 5.2L capacity (this will fit up to 1kg of fries or a 2kg chicken) so you can batch cook big meals. The reviews say: 'I’m delighted to share my positive experience with the Ninja Air Fryer MAX! Its ease of use is truly remarkable, making it a perfect partner to my Foodi MAX 9-in-1 Multi-Cooker 7.5L. 'In fact, I found the Ninja Air Fryer MAX to be even quicker and more convenient for certain meals. Its rapid cooking time and crispy results are a real game-changer.'

Buy Now for £149.99 (from £169.99)
Ninja Foodi 11-in-1 SmartLid Multi-Cooker 6L

Ninja Foodi 11-in-1 SmartLid Multi-Cooker 6L

One pot does absolutely everything with this multi-cooker from Ninja, from cooking meats and frying poatoes to steaming fresh veggies. The reviews say: 'Absolutely love my ninja 11 in 1 pressure Cook and air crisp a full chicken in 45 minutes. So easy to use and clean, can't wait to keep exploring different recipes with it.'

Buy Now for £249.99 (from £299.99)
Ninja Foodi Health Grill & Air Fryer

Ninja Foodi Health Grill & Air Fryer

This Ninja grill and air fryer allowes you to create tasty, healthy dishes using less oil – a winner for those who are looking to lead a healtier lifestyle and save energy in the process. The reviews say: 'I was wary of buying this, I wasn’t sure if it would be a suitable investment for someone not living with a family or partner, and if it would be too much of a bother to use, very fiddly? 'I couldn’t have been more wrong!! It’s so simple , and cooks the food exactly as I want it. I’ve grilled aubergines and courgettes, roasted tomatoes and quorn, chickpeas too. I’ve made brilliant chips with literally a small spoon of oil, excellent jacket spuds with a lovely crispy skin in just 20 mins. 'I honestly would recommend it to anybody, especially as fuel is so costly now, I’ve not used my oven once since I got it.'

Buy Now for £199 (from £219.99)

MORE : Wrinkles be gone! Augustinus Bader drops skincare sets with The Rich Cream (with some big savings to be had)

MORE : How to save money by making your appliances last longer – top 6 tips

Which appliance will you choose? Are you in the market for one of the bestselling air fryers, or are you more of a chopper shopper?

See the whole range on sale on the Ninja website.

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Young dancer who thought she had the flu put on ventilator and loses her memory https://metro.co.uk/2023/09/13/dancer-who-thought-she-had-the-flu-put-on-ventilator-and-loses-memory-19469487/ https://metro.co.uk/2023/09/13/dancer-who-thought-she-had-the-flu-put-on-ventilator-and-loses-memory-19469487/#respond Wed, 13 Sep 2023 06:00:00 +0000 https://metro.co.uk/?p=19469487
Taz Hoesli
She’s still recovering 11 months on (Picture: Taz Hoesli)

Taz Hoesli, 22, went from being an active dancer performing on London’s West End to spending a week in the ICU due to sepsis.

Last October, aged 21 and a ‘peak fitness, dancing eight hours a day, doing all the workouts you can imagine’, Taz got what she thought was the flu.

But the now 22 year old, who had no underlying health conditions, ended up in hospital, fighting for her life – she’s still working through the trauma she experienced.

Like most people, Taz didn’t know much about the deadly illness, and now wants to share her story for Sepsis Awareness Day.

‘When you’re that fit and healthy, I think you just think you’re a bit invincible,’ Taz tells Metro.co.uk.

‘But then I started getting fluey symptoms while I was doing a dance job in Newbury.

‘The night before, I just thought I just really don’t feel 100%. But you know, as we all do, we kind of just push through it.

‘So I turned up to the event, which was outdoors, and I started shivering. I wasn’t very hungry. I was kind of having a temperature, getting hot sweats, even though I was cold.

‘When I was at that event, my agent emailed me and said that I had an audition for a West End Show – my dream show.’

Taz felt she couldn’t turn down the opportunity, so went to the all-day audition, dancing and singing – but she was feeling much worse, and had begun experiencing dizziness.

Taz Hoesli
Taz before getting unwell (Picture: Taz Hoesli)

Then she noticed a pain in her right hip, and so she believed maybe she’d pulled a muscle there, and that on top of being ill was making her feel so bad.

‘I thought I could sleep it off, so I went to bed that night but when I woke up in the morning I had excruciating pain. I just put it down to doing too much the day before,’ she continued, and went onto teach the singing class she ran.

Things took a turn for the worse that night.

‘I woke up at 4am, and I had never ever felt this amount of pain in my whole life.

‘I actually had to text my mum who was only in the room to say I can’t even stand up.

‘So that’s when my parents rang 111 and they were told I’ve probably just strained something in the audition.’

Taz was then given painkillers, and though she wasn’t convinced by this conclusion, she trusted the experts.

While on the painkillers, it turned out she had gotten to the last round of auditions for the West End show – so she got a train to London and credits adrenaline with getting her through the last call.

‘I managed to drag myself through London to this studio to do this final singing calls,’ she says.

‘So I didn’t actually have to move, which was obviously helpful because I could barely walk at this point.

‘They said I didn’t look very well when I got there, and I just fobbed off.

‘When it was over and I went back to the train station, I literally fell to my knees. I was in so much pain. I felt so unwell.’

Taz Hoesli
Taz doesn’t remember much of her time in hospital (Picture: Taz Hoesli)

She was put on a train with a chaperone and sent home. A man pick me up at the other side and thought something is really not right.

New symptoms set in: Taz now had a temperature, she began falling asleep midsentence, she couldn’t pass urine, and couldn’t eat. It’s around here her memory is missing, and she has been told what happened next by her parents.

‘My dad was asking me questions, and I was just speaking basically gibberish back to him,’ she says, which is a common symptom of sepsis in it’s later stages.

‘He called 111 again, and luckily when I spoke to the doctor this time, she saved my life.

‘She said, I don’t want to scare you guys, but I’m going to bring an ambulance because everything you’re telling me sounds like your daughter’s got sepsis.

‘And my dad was like, I have no idea really what sepsis is, I’ve seen it on films and that but none of us had any idea of what it properly was prior to me being ill.’

Once at the hospital, she was tested for a UTI, as the symptoms can appear similarly in people, but of course, this isn’t what she had.

‘I had no idea what was going on – I was out of it and couldn’t even answer basic questions the medics were asking me.

‘The next morning, I was taken up to the ICU and put on a high flow oxygen ventilator – and I stayed there for a week.

‘I don’t remember anything at all, apart from small snippets of doctors coming in.’

In this time, fluid was found in Taz’s lungs and she was in respiratory failure. The cause of sepsis was found to be Strep A – which rarely has such complications.

Last year, Strep A was doing the rounds in the UK after an outbreak, and Taz unfortunately caught it during that winter. She was treated with antibiotics to target the illness.

‘It was a very scary time, and I’m recovering still 11 months on,’ she shares.

‘When I was in hospital, I don’t actually think I knew how unwell I was.

‘The scariest part was waking up covered in wires, confused. But I remember being more focused on getting better than dwelling on it.

‘Before I was ill, everyone called me “positive Polly”. Everyone would come to me to get their positive kick.

Taz Hoesli
Taz spent a week in the ICU (Picture: Taz Hoesli)

‘Originally, when I first came out of hospital, I felt like, it hadn’t really affected me that much. I’m just super grateful to be alive.’

However, as she began to process it and eventually start seeing a therapist, she realised she had PTSD.

‘With trauma, sometimes it doesn’t hit you straightaway. Everyone processes trauma differently.

‘And when my me and my therapist worked on the idea of me having PTSD, I was like, there is no way that that can be me – that’s something that only happens to soldiers after the war.

‘But I had night terrors and flashbacks, and I’m still working through that.’

As well as suffering mentally, Taz hasn’t been able to return to dance yet, despite forcing herself to take up teaching again three weeks after leaving hospital.

‘I was worried about getting back to the career of dance and that everyone was moving on without me, and that I would never get back to doing what I loved,’ she says.

‘I was desperate to have some normality.

‘It’s frustrating as someone who was really active before, but now I try to look at it from a perspective of like, everything happens for a reason.

‘I think that this will make me so much stronger than I was before, in the long run.

‘I think it’s important that I try and look on the positive side as well as obviously dealing and feeling all those emotions.’

Taz Hoesli
Taz before sepsis (Picture: Taz Hoesli)

She has physio, given the Strep A bug manifested itself in her hip and shoulder (though doctors don’t know why exactly).

‘I’m really getting there now seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, so I’m feeling positive.

‘It’s just that the recovery, especially of the septic arthritis is just grueling. It’s so long. And it’s also slightly unknown.

‘The doctors are trying their hardest to help me out, but it’s very much a trial and error situation. I would say I’m probably about 75% back. I’ve still got a journey ahead of me, but I’m super proud and grateful that I’m at the point of where I am in my recovery.’

Taz still lives with her family, which has meant she’s been supported financially and in terms of her physical recovery. If she didn’t have her family to lean on, she’s not sure how she would have been able to make money to support herself.

Having been supported by The UK Sepsis Trust too, she says: ‘I will forever be grateful for all the work that they did and supported me through it during this recovery. It’s just been invaluable.’

You can find out more about the work The UK Sepsis Trust is doing here.

What you need to know about sepsis

‘Poppy’s story is a stark reminder that Sepsis can affect anyone at any time.

‘Women during or immediately after pregnancy are at slightly increased risk of this life-threatening condition, which arises when the body’s response to an infection begins to cause organ damage.

‘It’s important that women who are pregnant are aware of sepsis and know what to do if they’re worried.

‘If you’re worried that you have an infection, and something doesn’t feel quite right or you’re getting worse rather than better, look for the following signs:

S for slurred speech or confusion

E for extreme pain in the muscles or joints

P for passing no urine in a day

S for severe breathlessness

I for “it feels like I’m going to die”

S for skin that’s mottled, discoloured or very pale

Any one of these six in the context of infection go straight to A&E.’

Dr Ron Daniels, BEMFounder and Joint CEO of UK Sepsis Trust

Do you have a story to share?

Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@Metro.co.uk.

MORE : I thought I had a cold – then I was fighting for my life with sepsis

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‘I am completely blown away’: This serum is giving thick lashes and growing brows, according to shoppers https://metro.co.uk/2023/09/13/i-am-completely-blown-away-this-serum-is-giving-thick-lashes-and-growing-brows-according-to-shoppers-19395734/ https://metro.co.uk/2023/09/13/i-am-completely-blown-away-this-serum-is-giving-thick-lashes-and-growing-brows-according-to-shoppers-19395734/#respond Wed, 13 Sep 2023 06:00:00 +0000 https://metro.co.uk/?p=19395734
Augustinus Bader’s skincare sets feature this beauty, which is impressing shoppers (Picture: Augustinus Bader)
Augustinus Bader’s skincare sets feature this beauty, which is impressing shoppers (Picture: Augustinus Bader)

SHOPPING – Contains affiliated content. Products featured in this Metro article are selected by our shopping writers. If you make a purchase using links on this page, Metro.co.uk will earn an affiliate commission. Click here for more information.

This Eyebrow and Lash Enhancing Serum has caused a bit of a sensation with customers, who are now fluttering their luscious lashes all lover the place.

Currently, mascara feels like as much of a necessity for us as food and water. Mainly because without it, our eyes look as tiny as mole squinting.

Plus, in a world of people blessed with long, full and curly lashes, the beauty gods appear to have had a day off when they made ours. Hence our short, sparse and straight pathetic excuses for lashes.

But this serum is giving thrilled users lashes that flutter and brows that undo all the wrongs of early noughties over-tweezing, according to reviews.

It works by strengthening and nourishing the hair follicles, which creates longer and fuller brows and lashes.

Not only that, but this clever little serum supports more efficient hair follicle functioning, which means less shedding and faster growth. Sign us up.

The multi-use serum from celeb-loved brand Augustinus Bader was tried and tested on a lucky batch of individuals, with 96% saying their lashes looked and felt healthier, 96% saying their lashes and brows felt fuller and 100% saying they saw results in as little as four weeks.

In other words, this serum be doing the most. And then some.

Augustinus Bader - 'Soon mascara will be an option - not a necessity': Shoppers rave this serum is givin thick lashes and growing brows
Just the bottle alone is pretty gorgeous (Picture: Augustinus Bader)

The customers reviews for the product are also as banging as a Ricky Martin 90s hit.

One happy customer said: ‘I am very pleasantly surprised by the fast results on both eyebrows and eyelashes…..soon I think mascara will be an option rather than a necessity! Wow!’

And another added: ‘I am completely blown away with the number of new hairs. I went to have my brows tinted again today and my eyebrow stylist nearly fell off her chair. She was so impressed she ordered it immediately for herself.’

‘I like what I’m seeing,’ another mused. ‘My eyelashes have always been pretty nice but I can see they have grown more. My eyebrows have gotten a little thicker and darker.’

MORE : This serum claims to ditch dark spots in 2 weeks – and ‘reduce wrinkles’ in 7 days

MORE : Wrinkles be gone! Augustinus Bader drops skincare sets with The Rich Cream (with some big savings to be had)

You can buy the Eyebrows and Lash Enhancing Serum on its own or really treat yo self and buy it as part of The Supreme Collection. It will set you back £1,200 but with a bundle of goodies, including their Rich Cream, The Body Cream and the incredible Face Oil, your hydrated glowing complexion won’t even care.

Dry ashy skin? Never heard of her.

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Horoscope today – September 13, 2023 astrological predictions for your star sign https://metro.co.uk/2023/09/13/horoscope-today-daily-prediction-for-wednesday-september-13-2023-19488919/ https://metro.co.uk/2023/09/13/horoscope-today-daily-prediction-for-wednesday-september-13-2023-19488919/#respond Wed, 13 Sep 2023 15:41:00 +0000 https://metro.co.uk/?p=19488919
Gif shows celestial hand holding stars over crystals
Here’s what the stars have in store for you today (Picture: Metro.co.uk)

A New Moon in Virgo is coming tomorrow, which means the focus is on health, work and all manner of life admin.

With Mercury Retrograde finally finishing on September 15, we can also (almost) breathe a sigh of relief that communications are getting back to normal.

Today, there are still some roadblocks in the way for many signs, but rest assured that things are looking up.

Ahead, you’ll find all the star signs’ horoscopes for September 13, 2023. Read on for your full forecast.

Aries

March 21 to April 20

Current influences encourage you to work smarter rather than harder, and to be original rather than do things the way you’ve always done them.

Mind, today’s Moon/Saturn face-off could make it seem like you’re walking through treacle. Don’t worry too much as this is a temporary phase. Let go and do what you can. Better still, head off for a latte or some pampering, Aries

Head here for everything you need to know about being an Aries

Taurus

April 21 to May 21

Something you’re keen to try might not meet with the approval of others. But is it approval that you want? There are times when you should do what is best for you, and this could be one of them.

Any difficulty that arises may be because this idea is different and might not be accepted. It can also stir up emotions in people, which is why it’s wise to tread with care, Taurus

Head here for everything you need to know about being a Taurus

Taurus symbol on a colorful background light
Taurus’ need not seek the approval of others(Picture: Getty Images)

Gemini

May 22 to June 21

The Moon in your home zone can leave you emotional. And coupled with another awkward aspect, you might feel like you’ve lost your way.

Moving your body could help. Whether you opt for a long walk or something more vigorous, it may just work. You might have to push yourself to make a start, but once you get going, those draining thoughts can quickly disappear.

Head here for everything you need to know about being a Gemini

Cancer

June 22 to July 23

A kind word could go a long way to boost someone’s mood, especially if they aren’t feeling too great. The Moon/Mercury tie suggests you’ll you know what to say to uplift them.

But your thoughts could also help or hinder your own plans. Don’t let your inner critic prevent you from making a bold move. If you listen to those doubts, it may take a while to get moving, Cancer.

Head here for everything you need to know about being a Cancer

Leo

July 24 to August 23

Venus’s journey through your sign can help you apply a dose of charm to a situation that needs a calming explanation.

If things seem to be beyond your control and going wrong for no good reason, then tact and goodwill could help smooth things over. There’s no guarantee that matters will right themselves immediately, but at least you’ll leave someone in a better mood, Leo.

Head here for everything you need to know about being a Leo

Zodiac signs inside of horoscope circle
If something starts to go wrong for Leos, never fear (Picture: Getty Images)

Virgo

August 24 to September 23

You could feel a tad disheartened if it seems that you aren’t getting anywhere. This may be down to the present star map Virgo, and to the number of planets currently in reverse.

There is some good news on the horizon, though. As Mars continues to gain traction in Libra, ideas about how to drum up extra cash could come thick and fast. Have something vintage to sell? Go for it!

Head here for everything you need to know about being a Virgo

Libra

September 24 to October 23

A lack of energy could be the reason you might not make as much progress as you would like. And yet it can go deeper than that Libra, as a focus on your lifestyle zone hints that you may be going through a process of slow and deep-seated change, and this may influence your day-to-day affairs.

There’s a lot to be said for not taking on more than you can handle at this time.

Head here for everything you need to know about being a Libra

Scorpio

October 24 to November 22

Compromise can be a key factor in keeping things on an even keel, especially if you’re dealing with those who may be stubborn and don’t want to change.

You might not understand their motives, but attempting to meet them halfway could make it easier to forge an agreement. It can seem you’re backtracking on your principles, but if nothing is happening it is common sense.

Head here for everything you need to know about being a Scorpio

Scorpio symbol on a colourful background light
Compromise is key for Scorpios (Picture: Getty Images)

Sagittarius

November 23 to December 21

Finding it difficult to embrace golden opportunities? Could it be because you’ve invested time and energy into one key plan that looks to be going nowhere?

Keen to be more successful? It may be worth remaining open to fresh concepts, as this might open new doors. Plus, a fresh twist on your original scheme can be preferable to ideas that are lacking, and a tad overdone.

Head here for everything you need to know about being a Sagittarius

Capricorn

December 22 to January 21

Don’t be ashamed to admit there are some things you struggle with. People take naturally to some jobs and others don’t.

This is very much a time to play to your strengths, as you can accomplish so much more if you do. Delegate those tasks at which you aren’t so good to others who enjoy them, and you’ll have a more productive day, with a few adventures thrown in too

Head here for everything you need to know about being a Capricorn

Aquarius

January 22 to February 19

The Moon in Virgo and an intense zone, can make you aware of how much your emotions may dictate the pace of your day. There might be times when you really don’t want to do something and can’t bring yourself to, either.

And yet if someone suggests something that wakes you up, energy levels could swiftly peak. You’ll be ready to dive in and make the most of it, Aquarius.

Head here for everything you need to know about being an Aquarius

milky way over the mountains of Chiang Rai, Thailand, Phuchifha
Your emotions will have a huge impact on how your day unfolds (Picture: Getty Images)

Pisces

February 20 to March 20

You are usually kind and considerate, but for a time you could be the grumpy one that finds fault with everything. The Moon’s opposition to taskmaster Saturn in your sign, means you may feel a resistance to other people and their suggestions, no matter how nice they try to be.

This might be a sign that you need some alone time and a chance to recharge. Make sure you get it, Pisces!

Head here for everything you need to know about being a Pisces

To order your unique personal horoscope based on your time, date and place of birth, visit patrickarundell.com

Your daily Metro.co.uk horoscope is here every morning, seven days a week (yes, including weekends!). To check your forecast, head to our dedicated horoscopes page.

Do you have a story to share?

Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@Metro.co.uk.

MORE : The career goal you must set yourself this New Moon in Virgo – your star sign’s tarot horoscope

MORE : What to expect from this week: Your tarot horoscope reading for September 11 to September 17

MORE : What do the key transits in astrology mean? Planetary movements from square to opposition explained

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Asking For A Friend: Is it weird that my partner keeps their eyes closed during sex? https://metro.co.uk/2023/09/13/my-partner-keeps-their-eyes-closed-during-sex-should-i-be-worried-19467227/ https://metro.co.uk/2023/09/13/my-partner-keeps-their-eyes-closed-during-sex-should-i-be-worried-19467227/#respond Wed, 13 Sep 2023 02:00:00 +0000 https://metro.co.uk/?p=19467227
Man and woman having sex
Like, what are you thinking about? (Picture: Myles Goode)

Asking For A Friend is the series where we answer the questions you don’t want to ask.

Picture this: you’re having steamy, passionate sex with your partner, but every time you try to gaze into their eyes, they’re closed.

If this is something that happens every time you make love with your partner, it’s understandable that you might feel a little uncomfortable.

We place a lot of importance on eye contact, particularly when it comes to dating and relationships — and it makes sense.

Research has shown that holding eye contact leads to increased ‘feelings of passionate love, dispositional love, and liking’ for their partner. 

Without it, Gigi Engle ACS, a certified sex educator and lead intimacy expert at 3Fun tells Metro.co.uk, some people may be left feeling insecure or disconnected from their partner.

‘Many people find eye contact during intimacy to build closeness, and when someone’s eyes are closed, you may lose this,’ she says. 

That said, there is nothing inherently wrong with closing your eyes during sex. It may help some people feel more connected to their body, less anxious and able to focus. 

It could even be that, as Gigi explains, your partner may be conditioned to close their eyes during intercourse. 

‘They may have closed their eyes during their first sexual experiences and now do it automatically,’ she says. 

The actual problem isn’t that your partner keeps their eyes closed, it’s that it makes you feel a type of way (which is also completely valid, fyi).

‘It’s OK to feel discomfort around it, but ask yourself why you feel this discomfort,’ says Gigi.

‘What is coming up for you? What is this triggering in you? 

‘Exploring why something is making us have a negative reaction can help us take ownership of our own feelings —  and be able to articulate how we’re feeling to our partner.

‘Because it isn’t that they are doing anything wrong, they are doing something that is impacting you and your emotions.’

How to navigate this with your partner

So what’s the solution? As always, a healthy dose of communication is likely to do the trick.

Explain to your partner how it makes you feel when they close their eyes during sex, and try to unpack where that’s coming from without putting any blame on them — and find out why your partner likes to close their eyes in the first place.

‘Usually, if you can explain to a partner why you prefer a certain thing during sex, you can make a lot more sense of it,’ says Gigi.

The next stage is compromise: maybe your partner can open their eyes sometimes, and close them only when they need to focus, or maybe, as Gigi suggests, you can find other ways to feel connected to each other during sex, like using dirty talk.

Finally, remember that we often project our insecurities and beliefs onto people, especially our partners.

Try not to make the fact that they close their eyes all the time about you, and find a way to enjoy sex with your partner regardless of your differences. It would be boring if we all did it the same way, anyway!

Do you have a story to share?

Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@Metro.co.uk.

MORE : This is what counts as a sexless relationship, according to a therapist

MORE : Why it’s time to rip up your sexual script

MORE : What is the speed bump sex position and what are the benefits?

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You could get on the London property ladder for £215,000 – but there’s a catch https://metro.co.uk/2023/09/12/you-can-get-on-the-london-property-ladder-for-215k-but-theres-a-catch-19488757/ https://metro.co.uk/2023/09/12/you-can-get-on-the-london-property-ladder-for-215k-but-theres-a-catch-19488757/#respond Wed, 13 Sep 2023 15:25:00 +0000 https://metro.co.uk/?p=19488757
Pictures of the Water Lodge in London
It looks lovely (Picture: Hamptons)

We all know that the housing market is… not ideal, especially in London.

So when there’s a property up for sale for £215,000, and it’s actually nice, we tend to pay attention.

This two-bedroom home for sale is part of The Water Lodges – a set of properties located on the water at Poplar Marina, which is within walking distance of the hustle and bustle of Canary Wharf.

The inside of the building is a little on the small side, but modern and finished to what looks like a really high standard.

There are also peaceful views over the water, which don’t do any harm, as well as front and back terraces positively begging for a nice table and chairs.

There is, however, a catch.

The Water Lodges, London, E14 You could get on the London property ladder for ?200,000 - but there's a catch LOW QUALITY
The property is basically a boat (Picture: Hamptons)
The Water Lodges, London, E14 You could get on the London property ladder for ?200,000 - but there's a catch LOW QUALITY
But not like any houseboat we’ve ever seen (Picture: Hamptons)
The Water Lodges, London, E14 You could get on the London property ladder for ?200,000 - but there's a catch LOW QUALITY
The living/dining/kitchen area (Picture: Hamptons)
The Water Lodges, London, E14 You could get on the London property ladder for ?200,000 - but there's a catch LOW QUALITY
One of the bedrooms (Picture: Hamptons)
The Water Lodges, London, E14 You could get on the London property ladder for ?200,000 - but there's a catch LOW QUALITY
It’s on the small side, but very cute (Picture: Hamptons)
The Water Lodges, London, E14 You could get on the London property ladder for ?200,000 - but there's a catch LOW QUALITY
One of the terraces (Picture: Hamptons)
The Water Lodges, London, E14 You could get on the London property ladder for ?200,000 - but there's a catch LOW QUALITY
And the other (Picture: Hamptons)
The Water Lodges, London, E14 You could get on the London property ladder for ?200,000 - but there's a catch LOW QUALITY
It definitely catches the light (Picture: Hamptons)
The Water Lodges, London, E14 You could get on the London property ladder for ?200,000 - but there's a catch LOW QUALITY
The hallway(Picture: Hamptons)

Because these water lodges are essentially houseboats, you can’t take out traditional mortgages to pay for them, so the estate agents are advertising to cash-only buyers.

That means you have to have the £215,000 at your disposal ready to go.

And while The Water Lodges include a 50-year mooring rights option, there are annual mooring fees of up to £15,000 per year.

The Water Lodges, London, E14 You could get on the London property ladder for ?200,000 - but there's a catch LOW QUALITY
There are definitely worse views (Picture: Hamptons)
The Water Lodges, London, E14 You could get on the London property ladder for ?200,000 - but there's a catch LOW QUALITY
One of the bedrooms/possible study (Picture: Hamptons)
The Water Lodges, London, E14 You could get on the London property ladder for ?200,000 - but there's a catch LOW QUALITY
What do you think? (Picture: Hamptons)
The Water Lodges, London, E14 You could get on the London property ladder for ?200,000 - but there's a catch LOW QUALITY
The floor plan (Picture: Hamptons)
Have your say in the comments belowComment Now

The listing reads: ‘Located at Poplar Marina and within very close walking distance to Canary Wharf these rather special ‘water lodges’ are certain to impress.

‘Finished to a particularly high specification and offering a functional yet flexible accommodation these two-bedroom homes also come with the most fabulous water views from all rooms.’

Do you have a story to share?

Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@Metro.co.uk.

MORE : London property a bargain at £160,000 – but it’s absolutely tiny and only has one window

MORE : ‘I’ve worked in real estate for over 30 years – here are six of my top property tips’

MORE : This map shows how much a square foot of property costs in different parts of the UK

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As the weather begins to cool and the nights draw in – what day does Halloween fall on in 2023? https://metro.co.uk/2023/09/12/what-day-does-halloween-fall-on-this-year-2023-day-of-the-week-revealed-19489137/ https://metro.co.uk/2023/09/12/what-day-does-halloween-fall-on-this-year-2023-day-of-the-week-revealed-19489137/#respond Tue, 12 Sep 2023 16:12:32 +0000 https://metro.co.uk/?p=19489137&preview=true&preview_id=19489137
Pumpkin carved for Halloween, sat on autumn leaves in a field
With autumn finally here, Halloween isn’t far behind (Picture: Getty)

September’s unexpected heatwave is now behind us as we’ve officially entered Autumn… which means it’s not long until Halloween!

The spooky annual holiday is a favourite of many – from young trick or treaters to celebrities such as Heidi Klum and the Kardashians.

It’s a time to dress up in scary easy-to-make costumes, carve the perfect pumpkin, hang some eerie (but ecofriendly) decorations, and watch horror movies galore.

Perhaps you might be keen to learn more about the history of All Hallows Eve, and where its traditions, like trick or treating, come from – including the Pagan festival of Samhain.

We all know Halloween takes place on October 31, but what day does the date fall on this year?

What day is Halloween 2023?

Halloween 2023 will happen on a Tuesday.

Last year, Halloween took place on a Monday. Next year, in 2024, Halloween will take place on a Thursday and in 2025 it’s on a Friday.

We won’t have a Halloween weekend again until 2026, when the holiday falls on a Saturday.

So, there you have it. But if the spooky stuff isn’t your thing, fear not.

This time of year is perfect for sampling autumnal drinks, curling up with a new book, trying a new pumpkin recipe or decorating your home with autumnal trends.

Autumn officially starts on either September 23 or September 1, depending on whether you go by the astrological or meteorological method of deciding, so go wild.

For many, the autumn season is the perfect time to embrace a new beginning – just look at your September tarot reading for inspiration.

Or feel inspired by one of these autumnal quotes or poems.

MORE : Pret announces autumn range and it might be its best menu yet

MORE : From Pumpkin Spice to Hazelnut Frappe, what’s on the autumn menu at Starbucks, Costa and Greggs?

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Share your views in the comments below

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Antique furniture, panoramic views and no electric bill: Inside a £1m lighthouse https://metro.co.uk/2023/09/12/take-a-look-inside-this-1m-floating-lighthouse-19485969/ https://metro.co.uk/2023/09/12/take-a-look-inside-this-1m-floating-lighthouse-19485969/#respond Tue, 12 Sep 2023 15:49:32 +0000 https://metro.co.uk/?p=19485969
Pictures of the lighthouse
It offers very literal 360 views (Picture: mediadrumworld)

An adorable North American lighthouse has hit the market – but you’ll need deep pockets if you want to live here.

The one-bed, one-bath lighthouse, located on the shores of Fall River, Massachusetts, is one of the world’s only offshore spark plug-style lighthouses.

It gets electricity from a solar panel system equipped with battery backup and a whole-house generator, which means you’d never have to pay a leccy bill.

But on the flipside, the property will set you back £998,000.

The lighthouse, which was built in 1881, was purchased privately from the US Government in 2010.

This buyer spent seven years restoring the whole property, which is referred to as a ‘Lighthome’.

They opened it up to the members of the public interested in unique overnight accommodation – which is a great idea for any buyers interested in possibly supplementing their income.

Picturesque Lighthouse in foggy weather.
Fancy living in a ‘Lighthome’? (Picture: mediadrumimages/SpecialFinds)
An old snap of the lighthouse. Massachusetts, USA: THIS PICTURESQUE floating lighthouse can now be yours for just ?998K and comes with the added benefit of paying NO ELECTRICITY BILL.Located on the shores of Fall River, Massachusetts, this one bed one bath lighthouse, affectionately known as the ?Lighthome?, is one of the world?s only offshore spark plug-style lighthouses.?This lighthouse draws her electricity from a modernised solar panel system equipped with battery backup and a Generac 8KW whole-house generator, ensuring you never receive an electricity bill.Built in 1881, the lighthouse was purchased privately from the US Government in 2010. ?Her re-birth began after the buyer spent seven years completely restoring this historic gem, and opened it up to the public as a truly, one-of-a-kind overnight accommodation for lighthouse lovers from around the world. ?This lighthome can also be used as a Short-Term Rental/Airbnb?property and can become a potential source of additional income.The fourth floor of the lighthouse was previously known as the ?watchroom,? where the Keepers diligently carried out their duties.Other interesting features include antique pieces, period furniture, and a functioning 1910 Victrola record player?Surrounding the Lantern Room is an outdoor deck that offers astonishing panoramic views, perched 50 feet above the bay,? reads the listing.?This distinctive Lighthome exudes a charming coziness and is one of the most exceptional and historically significant properties available in the real estate market today.?The Lighthome offers five levels of fully furnished living space with awe-inspiring 360-degree water vistas.?For more information, visit https://specialfinds.com/ mediadrumimages/SpecialFinds
An old photo of the property (Picture: mediadrumimages/SpecialFinds)
Antique decor. Massachusetts, USA: THIS PICTURESQUE floating lighthouse can now be yours for just ?998K and comes with the added benefit of paying NO ELECTRICITY BILL.Located on the shores of Fall River, Massachusetts, this one bed one bath lighthouse, affectionately known as the ?Lighthome?, is one of the world?s only offshore spark plug-style lighthouses.?This lighthouse draws her electricity from a modernised solar panel system equipped with battery backup and a Generac 8KW whole-house generator, ensuring you never receive an electricity bill.Built in 1881, the lighthouse was purchased privately from the US Government in 2010. ?Her re-birth began after the buyer spent seven years completely restoring this historic gem, and opened it up to the public as a truly, one-of-a-kind overnight accommodation for lighthouse lovers from around the world. ?This lighthome can also be used as a Short-Term Rental/Airbnb?property and can become a potential source of additional income.The fourth floor of the lighthouse was previously known as the ?watchroom,? where the Keepers diligently carried out their duties.Other interesting features include antique pieces, period furniture, and a functioning 1910 Victrola record player?Surrounding the Lantern Room is an outdoor deck that offers astonishing panoramic views, perched 50 feet above the bay,? reads the listing.?This distinctive Lighthome exudes a charming coziness and is one of the most exceptional and historically significant properties available in the real estate market today.?The Lighthome offers five levels of fully furnished living space with awe-inspiring 360-degree water vistas.?For more information, visit https://specialfinds.com/ mediadrumimages/SpecialFinds
Behold (Picture: mediadrumimages/SpecialFinds)
Antique Decor. Massachusetts, USA: THIS PICTURESQUE floating lighthouse can now be yours for just ?998K and comes with the added benefit of paying NO ELECTRICITY BILL.Located on the shores of Fall River, Massachusetts, this one bed one bath lighthouse, affectionately known as the ?Lighthome?, is one of the world?s only offshore spark plug-style lighthouses.?This lighthouse draws her electricity from a modernised solar panel system equipped with battery backup and a Generac 8KW whole-house generator, ensuring you never receive an electricity bill.Built in 1881, the lighthouse was purchased privately from the US Government in 2010. ?Her re-birth began after the buyer spent seven years completely restoring this historic gem, and opened it up to the public as a truly, one-of-a-kind overnight accommodation for lighthouse lovers from around the world. ?This lighthome can also be used as a Short-Term Rental/Airbnb?property and can become a potential source of additional income.The fourth floor of the lighthouse was previously known as the ?watchroom,? where the Keepers diligently carried out their duties.Other interesting features include antique pieces, period furniture, and a functioning 1910 Victrola record player?Surrounding the Lantern Room is an outdoor deck that offers astonishing panoramic views, perched 50 feet above the bay,? reads the listing.?This distinctive Lighthome exudes a charming coziness and is one of the most exceptional and historically significant properties available in the real estate market today.?The Lighthome offers five levels of fully furnished living space with awe-inspiring 360-degree water vistas.?For more information, visit https://specialfinds.com/ mediadrumimages/SpecialFinds
Dinner for two (Picture: mediadrumimages/SpecialFinds)
Kitchen. Massachusetts, USA: THIS PICTURESQUE floating lighthouse can now be yours for just ?998K and comes with the added benefit of paying NO ELECTRICITY BILL.Located on the shores of Fall River, Massachusetts, this one bed one bath lighthouse, affectionately known as the ?Lighthome?, is one of the world?s only offshore spark plug-style lighthouses.?This lighthouse draws her electricity from a modernised solar panel system equipped with battery backup and a Generac 8KW whole-house generator, ensuring you never receive an electricity bill.Built in 1881, the lighthouse was purchased privately from the US Government in 2010. ?Her re-birth began after the buyer spent seven years completely restoring this historic gem, and opened it up to the public as a truly, one-of-a-kind overnight accommodation for lighthouse lovers from around the world. ?This lighthome can also be used as a Short-Term Rental/Airbnb?property and can become a potential source of additional income.The fourth floor of the lighthouse was previously known as the ?watchroom,? where the Keepers diligently carried out their duties.Other interesting features include antique pieces, period furniture, and a functioning 1910 Victrola record player?Surrounding the Lantern Room is an outdoor deck that offers astonishing panoramic views, perched 50 feet above the bay,? reads the listing.?This distinctive Lighthome exudes a charming coziness and is one of the most exceptional and historically significant properties available in the real estate market today.?The Lighthome offers five levels of fully furnished living space with awe-inspiring 360-degree water vistas.?For more information, visit https://specialfinds.com/ mediadrumimages/SpecialFinds
Cute, right? (Picture: mediadrumimages/SpecialFinds)

The property is full of antique pieces, including a working 1910 Victrola record player, and period furniture.

The listing reads: ‘Surrounding the Lantern Room is an outdoor deck that offers astonishing panoramic views, perched 50 feet above the bay.

Living. Massachusetts, USA: THIS PICTURESQUE floating lighthouse can now be yours for just ?998K and comes with the added benefit of paying NO ELECTRICITY BILL.Located on the shores of Fall River, Massachusetts, this one bed one bath lighthouse, affectionately known as the ?Lighthome?, is one of the world?s only offshore spark plug-style lighthouses.?This lighthouse draws her electricity from a modernised solar panel system equipped with battery backup and a Generac 8KW whole-house generator, ensuring you never receive an electricity bill.Built in 1881, the lighthouse was purchased privately from the US Government in 2010. ?Her re-birth began after the buyer spent seven years completely restoring this historic gem, and opened it up to the public as a truly, one-of-a-kind overnight accommodation for lighthouse lovers from around the world. ?This lighthome can also be used as a Short-Term Rental/Airbnb?property and can become a potential source of additional income.The fourth floor of the lighthouse was previously known as the ?watchroom,? where the Keepers diligently carried out their duties.Other interesting features include antique pieces, period furniture, and a functioning 1910 Victrola record player?Surrounding the Lantern Room is an outdoor deck that offers astonishing panoramic views, perched 50 feet above the bay,? reads the listing.?This distinctive Lighthome exudes a charming coziness and is one of the most exceptional and historically significant properties available in the real estate market today.?The Lighthome offers five levels of fully furnished living space with awe-inspiring 360-degree water vistas.?For more information, visit https://specialfinds.com/ mediadrumimages/SpecialFinds
There’s a lot of classic furniture around the place (Picture: mediadrumimages/SpecialFinds)
Bedroom. Massachusetts, USA: THIS PICTURESQUE floating lighthouse can now be yours for just ?998K and comes with the added benefit of paying NO ELECTRICITY BILL.Located on the shores of Fall River, Massachusetts, this one bed one bath lighthouse, affectionately known as the ?Lighthome?, is one of the world?s only offshore spark plug-style lighthouses.?This lighthouse draws her electricity from a modernised solar panel system equipped with battery backup and a Generac 8KW whole-house generator, ensuring you never receive an electricity bill.Built in 1881, the lighthouse was purchased privately from the US Government in 2010. ?Her re-birth began after the buyer spent seven years completely restoring this historic gem, and opened it up to the public as a truly, one-of-a-kind overnight accommodation for lighthouse lovers from around the world. ?This lighthome can also be used as a Short-Term Rental/Airbnb?property and can become a potential source of additional income.The fourth floor of the lighthouse was previously known as the ?watchroom,? where the Keepers diligently carried out their duties.Other interesting features include antique pieces, period furniture, and a functioning 1910 Victrola record player?Surrounding the Lantern Room is an outdoor deck that offers astonishing panoramic views, perched 50 feet above the bay,? reads the listing.?This distinctive Lighthome exudes a charming coziness and is one of the most exceptional and historically significant properties available in the real estate market today.?The Lighthome offers five levels of fully furnished living space with awe-inspiring 360-degree water vistas.?For more information, visit https://specialfinds.com/ mediadrumimages/SpecialFinds
The bedroom (Picture: mediadrumimages/SpecialFinds)
Kitchen. Massachusetts, USA: THIS PICTURESQUE floating lighthouse can now be yours for just ?998K and comes with the added benefit of paying NO ELECTRICITY BILL.Located on the shores of Fall River, Massachusetts, this one bed one bath lighthouse, affectionately known as the ?Lighthome?, is one of the world?s only offshore spark plug-style lighthouses.?This lighthouse draws her electricity from a modernised solar panel system equipped with battery backup and a Generac 8KW whole-house generator, ensuring you never receive an electricity bill.Built in 1881, the lighthouse was purchased privately from the US Government in 2010. ?Her re-birth began after the buyer spent seven years completely restoring this historic gem, and opened it up to the public as a truly, one-of-a-kind overnight accommodation for lighthouse lovers from around the world. ?This lighthome can also be used as a Short-Term Rental/Airbnb?property and can become a potential source of additional income.The fourth floor of the lighthouse was previously known as the ?watchroom,? where the Keepers diligently carried out their duties.Other interesting features include antique pieces, period furniture, and a functioning 1910 Victrola record player?Surrounding the Lantern Room is an outdoor deck that offers astonishing panoramic views, perched 50 feet above the bay,? reads the listing.?This distinctive Lighthome exudes a charming coziness and is one of the most exceptional and historically significant properties available in the real estate market today.?The Lighthome offers five levels of fully furnished living space with awe-inspiring 360-degree water vistas.?For more information, visit https://specialfinds.com/ mediadrumimages/SpecialFinds
The kitchen (Picture: mediadrumimages/SpecialFinds)
Staircase. Massachusetts, USA: THIS PICTURESQUE floating lighthouse can now be yours for just ?998K and comes with the added benefit of paying NO ELECTRICITY BILL.Located on the shores of Fall River, Massachusetts, this one bed one bath lighthouse, affectionately known as the ?Lighthome?, is one of the world?s only offshore spark plug-style lighthouses.?This lighthouse draws her electricity from a modernised solar panel system equipped with battery backup and a Generac 8KW whole-house generator, ensuring you never receive an electricity bill.Built in 1881, the lighthouse was purchased privately from the US Government in 2010. ?Her re-birth began after the buyer spent seven years completely restoring this historic gem, and opened it up to the public as a truly, one-of-a-kind overnight accommodation for lighthouse lovers from around the world. ?This lighthome can also be used as a Short-Term Rental/Airbnb?property and can become a potential source of additional income.The fourth floor of the lighthouse was previously known as the ?watchroom,? where the Keepers diligently carried out their duties.Other interesting features include antique pieces, period furniture, and a functioning 1910 Victrola record player?Surrounding the Lantern Room is an outdoor deck that offers astonishing panoramic views, perched 50 feet above the bay,? reads the listing.?This distinctive Lighthome exudes a charming coziness and is one of the most exceptional and historically significant properties available in the real estate market today.?The Lighthome offers five levels of fully furnished living space with awe-inspiring 360-degree water vistas.?For more information, visit https://specialfinds.com/ mediadrumimages/SpecialFinds
The staircase (Picture: mediadrumimages/SpecialFinds)
Stunning 360 views. Massachusetts, USA: THIS PICTURESQUE floating lighthouse can now be yours for just ?998K and comes with the added benefit of paying NO ELECTRICITY BILL.Located on the shores of Fall River, Massachusetts, this one bed one bath lighthouse, affectionately known as the ?Lighthome?, is one of the world?s only offshore spark plug-style lighthouses.?This lighthouse draws her electricity from a modernised solar panel system equipped with battery backup and a Generac 8KW whole-house generator, ensuring you never receive an electricity bill.Built in 1881, the lighthouse was purchased privately from the US Government in 2010. ?Her re-birth began after the buyer spent seven years completely restoring this historic gem, and opened it up to the public as a truly, one-of-a-kind overnight accommodation for lighthouse lovers from around the world. ?This lighthome can also be used as a Short-Term Rental/Airbnb?property and can become a potential source of additional income.The fourth floor of the lighthouse was previously known as the ?watchroom,? where the Keepers diligently carried out their duties.Other interesting features include antique pieces, period furniture, and a functioning 1910 Victrola record player?Surrounding the Lantern Room is an outdoor deck that offers astonishing panoramic views, perched 50 feet above the bay,? reads the listing.?This distinctive Lighthome exudes a charming coziness and is one of the most exceptional and historically significant properties available in the real estate market today.?The Lighthome offers five levels of fully furnished living space with awe-inspiring 360-degree water vistas.?For more information, visit https://specialfinds.com/ mediadrumimages/SpecialFinds
There are great views (Picture: mediadrumimages/SpecialFinds)
The lighthouse has five levels. Massachusetts, USA: THIS PICTURESQUE floating lighthouse can now be yours for just ?998K and comes with the added benefit of paying NO ELECTRICITY BILL.Located on the shores of Fall River, Massachusetts, this one bed one bath lighthouse, affectionately known as the ?Lighthome?, is one of the world?s only offshore spark plug-style lighthouses.?This lighthouse draws her electricity from a modernised solar panel system equipped with battery backup and a Generac 8KW whole-house generator, ensuring you never receive an electricity bill.Built in 1881, the lighthouse was purchased privately from the US Government in 2010. ?Her re-birth began after the buyer spent seven years completely restoring this historic gem, and opened it up to the public as a truly, one-of-a-kind overnight accommodation for lighthouse lovers from around the world. ?This lighthome can also be used as a Short-Term Rental/Airbnb?property and can become a potential source of additional income.The fourth floor of the lighthouse was previously known as the ?watchroom,? where the Keepers diligently carried out their duties.Other interesting features include antique pieces, period furniture, and a functioning 1910 Victrola record player?Surrounding the Lantern Room is an outdoor deck that offers astonishing panoramic views, perched 50 feet above the bay,? reads the listing.?This distinctive Lighthome exudes a charming coziness and is one of the most exceptional and historically significant properties available in the real estate market today.?The Lighthome offers five levels of fully furnished living space with awe-inspiring 360-degree water vistas.?For more information, visit https://specialfinds.com/ mediadrumimages/SpecialFinds
The whole place has five floors (Picture: mediadrumimages/SpecialFinds)
Floating lighthouse. Massachusetts, USA: THIS PICTURESQUE floating lighthouse can now be yours for just ?998K and comes with the added benefit of paying NO ELECTRICITY BILL.Located on the shores of Fall River, Massachusetts, this one bed one bath lighthouse, affectionately known as the ?Lighthome?, is one of the world?s only offshore spark plug-style lighthouses.?This lighthouse draws her electricity from a modernised solar panel system equipped with battery backup and a Generac 8KW whole-house generator, ensuring you never receive an electricity bill.Built in 1881, the lighthouse was purchased privately from the US Government in 2010. ?Her re-birth began after the buyer spent seven years completely restoring this historic gem, and opened it up to the public as a truly, one-of-a-kind overnight accommodation for lighthouse lovers from around the world. ?This lighthome can also be used as a Short-Term Rental/Airbnb?property and can become a potential source of additional income.The fourth floor of the lighthouse was previously known as the ?watchroom,? where the Keepers diligently carried out their duties.Other interesting features include antique pieces, period furniture, and a functioning 1910 Victrola record player?Surrounding the Lantern Room is an outdoor deck that offers astonishing panoramic views, perched 50 feet above the bay,? reads the listing.?This distinctive Lighthome exudes a charming coziness and is one of the most exceptional and historically significant properties available in the real estate market today.?The Lighthome offers five levels of fully furnished living space with awe-inspiring 360-degree water vistas.?For more information, visit https://specialfinds.com/ mediadrumimages/SpecialFinds
Fancy it? (Picture: mediadrumimages/SpecialFinds)
Have your say in the comments belowComment Now

‘This distinctive Lighthome exudes a charming cosiness and is one of the most exceptional and historically significant properties available in the real estate market today.

‘The Lighthome offers five levels of fully furnished living space with awe-inspiring 360-degree water vistas.’

Do you have a story to share?

Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@Metro.co.uk.

MORE : London property a bargain at £160,000 – but it’s absolutely tiny and only has one window

MORE : Property that sold for £6,000 in 1968 now on sale for almost £600,000 – 100 times the price

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I tried to spend £20 in the Wilko closing down sale – and failed miserably https://metro.co.uk/2023/09/12/i-tried-to-spend-20-in-the-wilko-closing-down-sale-and-failed-19487561/ https://metro.co.uk/2023/09/12/i-tried-to-spend-20-in-the-wilko-closing-down-sale-and-failed-19487561/#respond Tue, 12 Sep 2023 16:42:00 +0000 https://metro.co.uk/?p=19487561
Wilko store advertising their 'everything must go' closing down sale
Wilko will soon be gone from the high street (Picture: PA)

Wilko will soon be closing down forever, and while there is nothing I can do to stop that happening – I could rejoice in doing one final haul in its heavily discounted sale.

But the shopping trip proved more difficult than I could have imagined.

On Monday afternoon, a news alert flashed on my phone that informed me of the sad news that all 400 branches will be gone by early October. It left me feeling a sense of urgency to visit and say my goodbyes before it was gone.

While it may be ‘just’ a high street store, its closure has left me feeling quite sad. Primarily for the 12,000 people whose jobs are at risk, but also because of the firm place the shop has held in my life for the past 29 years. I can’t think of many major life milestones that haven’t involved a quick trip to the burgundy-fronted store. Whether it was a pick ‘n’ mix before a cinema trip, invading the home section prior to a house move, buying my first Christmas tree, or just simply grabbing some cheap candles.

It’s just three days before payday when I head to the High Street Kensington store near my office, and usually, that would rule out any shopping for me. I’m a person who lives pay day to pay day much to my father’s frustration, but Wilko is one of the few places that welcome me and my depressing bank account with open arms. It is especially inviting now, as the items have up to 60% off in order to clear the stock.

Today my challenge is to spend a solid £20 on goods as my final swan song.

I begin by forming a base layer in my basket – rose and peony fabric softener (£2.10), a couple of anti-bac gels (£0.55), opting for Wilko own brand as that won’t be an option in a matter of weeks, before adding in bath soak and shower gel (each £0.66).

Wilko closing down sale signs in store
Customers can get up to 60% off items (Picture:Getty)

I pile in a slightly ridiculous lilac bauble (£0.80) as a reminder of the Christmas tree, that I have now lost and, as with every Wilko trip, I find myself adding in items I didn’t even know I needed – a set of four bingo dabbers (£1.40) because why not?

As a person who frequents Mecca about once per year, they were probably slightly unnecessary.

That is the beauty of Wilko, you can make unnecessary purchases. If I’m shopping online then I remain focused only inserting into my basket what I have specifically searched for. If I find myself at places like Zara or H&M I’ll feel guilty if I slip something in. I want to be sustainable and not buy big items like clothing without prior thought, but a pack of pens or a scented candle (£2.10) feels okay.

A mug (£2.10) that wouldn’t look out of place in either of the aforementioned home sections simply couldn’t be left behind. It is a cream waffle style that I could envisage an influencer drinking out of while talking us through their skincare routine. I’ll instead use it for hot chocolates.

Metro writer Josie Copson with her pink Wilko Christmas tree
I purchased a bauble to remind me of my first ever Christmas tree, which was from Wilko

I find myself chatting to fellow customers. One tells me that she’s ‘heartbroken’ after shopping there for decades before listing off some of her favourite branches – Worthing has a particularly sizeable one. It’s near her sister’s home so she’s spent many hours there.

‘I use them all the time and the fact that it’s a family business that’s not successful anymore is sad. We’ve already lost Woolies (Woolworths),’ she states defeated.

Another person questions where they’ll be able to buy dog treats: ‘I’ll have to go to expensive pet stores’.

I see everyone roaming the aisles – a young woman carrying a YSL bag but picking up £1 Fairy washing-up liquid, a man taking instruction from his wife on the phone as if they are at an auction but instead of rare antiques, their purchase of choice is paint, and a young group of uni students checking out the bulb selection.

Rather than it having a panicked feel, people are calmly examining the shelves, and slowly meandering through the store. Nobody really seems to be taking joy in these bargains, as they come at a price.

The workers are still assisting with product queries and happily guiding customers to the correct sections. (However, they seem to be taking fairly regular breaks.)

Wilko haul
My final Wilko haul cost £13.13
Have you shopped in the Wilko closing-down sale yet?Comment Now

The final item that enters my basket has to be a pick ‘n’ mix – a large tub costing £2.25, which is 50% off the usual price.

The selection is somewhat limited – no strawberries, fizzy or otherwise, or white mice, but I pile the tub high with chocolate raisins and cherry lips.

Finally, I’m at the checkout and as the cashier whizzes through my items, she kindly encourages me to add a few more sweets to an already semi-overflowing sweet cup. £13.13 flashes up on the monitor. The unlucky number feels slightly poetic, as we are unlucky to be losing Wilkos.

I really thought I’d reached my £20 budget, but with the extreme discounts, it was an almost impossible task. I consider doing a second lap but remind myself I have an hour’s journey home later and don’t want my 30p plastic bag to rip.

I don’t feel happy emerging back on to the high street. As I take the short five-minute walk back to my desk, I just feel kind of bad that my even cheaper-than-usual shop comes as a result of Wilkos closing their automatic doors forever.

I make a silent promise that I’ll spend my £6.87 change in other high street stores to show my support.

Got a story?

If you’ve got a celebrity story, video or pictures get in touch with the Metro.co.uk entertainment team by emailing us celebtips@metro.co.uk, calling 020 3615 2145 or by visiting our Submit Stuff page – we’d love to hear from you.

MORE : Full list of Wilko stores set to become Poundland shops

MORE : Poundland owner agrees to buy up to 71 Wilko stores in new deal

MORE : Martin Lewis’ MoneySavingExpert site issues warning over elaborate new Wilko scam

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‘Gopher it’: Couples share their cringe, but very cute, ‘marriage languages’ https://metro.co.uk/2023/09/12/couples-share-their-cringe-but-very-cute-marriage-languages-19485745/ https://metro.co.uk/2023/09/12/couples-share-their-cringe-but-very-cute-marriage-languages-19485745/#respond Tue, 12 Sep 2023 14:32:18 +0000 https://metro.co.uk/?p=19485745
couple smiling
It’s sickly sweet (Picture: Getty)

‘Gopher it’, is the sweet saying husbands James and Matt say when they’re encouraging each other to go for something.

This is part of their ‘marriage language’, and the men both in their 30s accompany the term with little ‘gopher hands’, to mimic the rat-like animal, when they say it.

Marriage languages are secret words and sayings couple have between each other, which the outside world wouldn’t understand, that they completely get.

Kiran and her husband Michael, in their late 20s, understand that if Kiran says ‘I’m going to tube’, that means she’s going to put YouTube on and have a nap – it’s Michael’s cue to put the TV on for her, load up YouTube, and get her blanket.

Newly weds Em and Josh, who just celebrated their first year of marriage together, call themselves ‘wif’ and ‘hummerbund’, in place of wife and husband.

Metro’s own senior lifestyle reporter, Jess, and her boyfriend, Sean, will shake the other’s hand, and intensely say: ‘strong as an ox’. It started off as a way to show the other support and encouragement – now, it happens at random.

@ashleydesu

I had to try out the “marriage language” trend. 😂

♬ Funny Song – Funny Song Studio & Sounds Reel

And Metro’s deputy SEO editor, Evie Richards, admits that ‘rich tea biscuits’ are known as ‘the noice biccies’ between her and boyfriend, Harry.

It would be icky if the couples weren’t so cute together.

The term ‘marriage language’ has gone around on TikTok, with couples sharing their special words too.

Psychotherapist Caroline Plumer, founder of CPPC London, says this is all a part of bond building.

‘As humans we are always looking for connection and belonging,’ she says.

‘We start off belonging to a family, and then more often than not, we look for friendship groups and romantic relationships to belong to.

‘Along with things in common, these relationships evolve until they are also based on shared history, and with this can come a shorthand for communicating.

Do you and your partner have a ‘marriage language’? Share your special words or phrasesComment Now

‘These words or expressions are usually borne of shared experiences and serve as a reminder of the good times we have shared together.’

It’s not just married couples that do this – friends and family will have their own secret languages, it’s just that married people are taking to the social media moment and joining in the conversation.

‘Exclusivity, and being part of something others are not, tends to make us feel special, and it’s no different when it comes to relationships,’ Caroline explains.

‘Whilst a relationship language can strengthen your bond, it’s worthwhile remembering that doing it in front of other people can be insensitive and may leave them feeling ostracized.’

No one really wants to witness these moments if they aren’t a part of it.

She continues: ‘The more time and experiences we have with someone, the more stories we create with them and as such, it’s only natural that some of these stories evolve into their own way of communicating and even their own words and expressions.’

Do you have a story to share?

Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@Metro.co.uk.

MORE : Woman who breastfeeds her husband says it makes their ‘marriage stronger’

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Bargain vs Bougie: Do you really need to spend £20 on gym underwear? Here’s our verdict… https://metro.co.uk/2023/09/12/do-you-really-need-to-spend-20-on-gym-underwear-heres-our-verdict-19485519/ https://metro.co.uk/2023/09/12/do-you-really-need-to-spend-20-on-gym-underwear-heres-our-verdict-19485519/#respond Tue, 12 Sep 2023 14:25:17 +0000 https://metro.co.uk/?p=19485519
different workout pants
I tried out three different ones – with varying prices (Picture Underdays / Sweaty Betty / Decathlon / Getty)

This article contains affiliate links. We will earn a small commission on purchases made through one of these links but this never influences our experts’ opinions. Products are tested and reviewed independently of commercial initiatives.

Welcome to Bargain vs Bougie, Metro.co.uk’s series pitting products at varying price points against each other.

Previously, we investigated how much you really need to spend to get a good sports bra.

This week, we’re looking at exercise underwear. 

When I started working out regularly for the first time in my life this year, it didn’t take Instagram long to cotton on. Soon, my algorithm was flooded with ads for leggings, trainers and… pants. 

I hadn’t considered that you needed a whole separate knickers drawer for when you were planning on breaking a sweat, but it turns out, you do. 

Dr Derrick Phillips, a consultant dermatologist and British Skin Foundation spokesperson, told Metro.co.uk: ‘When exercising, underwear is an important consideration that is often overlooked. The choice of material has an impact on comfort, performance and hygiene.’

He explained that sweat-absorbing materials are brilliant for reducing chafing, friction rashes and general irritation – and that tight clothing that prevents airflow can cause issues with hair follicles and folliculitis. 

‘In addition, the moist environment can result in a common yeast infection called candida intertrigo,’ he added. 

Yikes – and I honestly just thought people just wore special workout briefs to avoid a panty-line under their leggings! 

So armed with a whole new gym fear, I put three brands to the test – ranging from £6.99 to £20. 

Decathlon Kalenji Breathable Running Briefs Coral – £5.99

Decathlon Kalenji Breathable Running Briefs Coral - £5.99
Both the coral and purple lay perfectly flat against my skin with no drooping or pinching (Picture: Decathlon)

There is no doubt that this is a good price for a pair of bloomers. I’d be happy paying this for bog-standard knickers, let alone ones designed with ’ventilated panels’ and the ability to stay in place as I sprint my little heart out.

As a size 12, I got these in a M/L. While some reviewers of the same size said they struggled with the fit, for me that couldn’t have been further from the truth. Both the coral and purple lay perfectly flat against my skin with no drooping or pinching. 

And you can see why these bad boys are made for exercise – they are lightweight, feel breathable when on, and offer great coverage without the obvious VPL that usually accompanies briefs. 

Decathlon pants
They may be seamless but they’re not very subtle! (Picture: Jess Austin)
decathlon pants
They definitely did the job! (Picture: Supplied)

That’s not to say there is no visibility. For those that are keen on the ‘I’m not wearing any underwear under these leggings’ look, these will do a fairly good job but I could occasionally spot the seams through the back of my leggings. 

Also, one pair of these pants are pretty much neon orange so anything but opaque leggings will show them. Don’t be too deterred though as there is an option to buy them in black for the same price. 

9/10

Buy the Kalenji Briefs for £5.99 (was £6.99) at Decathlon.

Underdays – The Workout Thong – £20

underdays thong
Peep the ‘we’ve got you covered’ message in the crotch area (Picture: Jess Austin)

Now this is the one that kept coming up on my Instagram feed. This was the pair of pants that convinced me I needed a whole new section of my wardrobe dedicated to sweat-wicking fabrics. 

The aesthetics of the whole brand: chef’s kiss. So I was very excited to get to try these. 

I did, however, have one concern. A worry that seemed to be echoed in the comments under all their posts: That gusset is bloody thin.

It turns out I shouldn’t have worried, as the pants, upon taking them out of their fancy packaging assured me: ‘We’ve got you covered’. And they did. 

I ordered a size M and they fit like a glove. They felt tight enough to stay in place and lightweight enough to not notice their existence when on. I’ve enjoyed running in them and felt perfectly secure, but less so in intense HIIT classes involving star jumps and the like. 

They do the job they set out to do when it comes to sweat-wicking, and I like the fact that the crotch-region fabric comes with antimicrobial properties (not that I know what that means) and that they’re made from 84% recycled nylon.

Jess in a red dress
I don’t see these as just workout pants. They’re £20 multifaceted pants (Picture: Jess Austin)

While Underdays say the pants come with minimal VPL, I believe they are underselling themselves. I saw not a glimpse of them when wearing my leggings and even opted to wear them under a skin-tight dress I’d previously struggled to find appropriately discreet underwear for.

So yes, £20 is a bit steep in comparison to cheaper offerings, but I don’t see these as just workout pants. They’re £20 multifaceted pants. 

8/10 

Buy The Workout Thong for £20 at Underdays.

Sweaty Betty – Sundown Soft Cotton Brief 3 Pack and Sundown Soft Cotton Thong 3 Pack – £35 each 

The Sweaty Betty pants
For a lot of their reviewers, these multipacks have become their daily staples (Picture: Sweaty Betty)

Speaking of multifaceted pants, I also found Sweaty Betty’s offering to be suitable for both fitness and fashion. Coming to under £12 each, these don’t cost the earth and feel high quality. 

I liked how much coverage both the brief and thong offered, without feeling like there was too much fabric. The sizing (M) was perfect, and the thick elastic band at the centre sat really nicely and offered breathing room. 

While the underwear was light and extremely comfortable, compared to the other offerings, it didn’t feel the most sweat-wicking. That being said, I didn’t feel soggy afterwards either. 

I felt very secure doing all sorts of exercises – weights, running and HIIT classes – in both sets and found they stayed in place, without the briefs riding up or the thong gusset slipping out of place.

sweaty betty thong
VPL? I don’t know her (Picture: Jess Austin)

Another thing the Sweaty Betty knickers were great for, was the lack of visible lines. The fact that the elastic band sits slightly higher up towards the waist, hides the seam, and both the thong and brief didn’t stand out under my leggings. 

For a lot of their reviewers, these multipacks have become their daily staples – whether exercising or not – and since they arrived it’s been the same for me. They’re the first pair I reach for every day. Even if my friend, upon seeing them, called them ‘grannyish’.

And even if I don’t think they’re as good as deflecting sweat as the other two, as Dr Phillips reminded me, you should be changing clothes – including underwear – as soon as you can after working out to stop bacteria getting trapped in fabrics. 

Ew.

8.5/10 

Buy the Sundown Briefs (3 pack) for £35 at Sweaty Betty.

Buy the Sundown Thongs (3 pack) for £35 at Sweaty Betty.

Do you have a story to share?

Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@Metro.co.uk.

MORE : ‘I feel like I’ve failed her’: Half of parents say they can’t afford to give their child the life they want

MORE : People think I’m too old to be a gym instructor but I’m fitter than women half my age

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I was scared people would think my son caused my postnatal depression https://metro.co.uk/2023/09/12/i-was-scared-people-would-think-my-son-caused-my-postnatal-depression-19487359/ https://metro.co.uk/2023/09/12/i-was-scared-people-would-think-my-son-caused-my-postnatal-depression-19487359/#respond Tue, 12 Sep 2023 14:15:35 +0000 https://metro.co.uk/?p=19487359
Rose Stokes sitting on the grass outside in a sunny park with her son
I would – and will – tell my son about my experience without hesitation (Picture: Rose Stokes)

The other day, I bumped into a couple of friends I hadn’t seen for a lifetime — more specifically, my son’s lifetime. 

The last time I’d seen them, in fact, was on one of mine and my husband’s first dates, about three years ago, when we were still childfree.

While my 15-month-old son played with plastic cups on a patch of grass by our table, I tried to relay the past few — literally — life-changing years, which had seen me transition relatively quickly from single woman wanting to have children to married woman and mother. 

As a pretty open book, I don’t tend to shy away from telling people about my struggles with mental illness. That meant telling my friends about the fact that during the year that followed my son’s birth, I suffered with postnatal depression and anxiety (PND/A).

As the conversation began to wind down, my friend shared that their mother had PND after their birth and asked whether or not I’d one day tell my son about my experience. His question was kind and curious, without even a smidgen of judgement. 

I joked that given the nature of my job as a journalist, it’d be hard to hide and left it there. 

As I walked away, though, I couldn’t stop thinking about the seed it had planted. For days and even weeks after, I was mulling it over. It seemed to me that the question itself articulated better than I ever could quite why PND caused me so much pain. 

Rose Stokes with her son when he was a baby
My depression and anxiety had absolutely nothing to do with how I felt about my son (Picture: Rose Stokes)

And that’s because society, and myself included until recently, still seems to connect the feelings someone experiences with PND to their child. Or rather, we label the child as the cause and the illness as the effect.

The most pervasive worry I had about my illness — the thought that brought me to tears more than any other during that time — was that anyone who saw me suffering might ever think that my depression was a reflection of how I felt about my son. 

Even writing this down makes me experience afresh the sentiment that almost suffocated me over and over during that year: shame.

A particular kind of shame that emanates from the fact that the only ‘acceptable’ emotions those who have a child are able to share outwardly are joy and gratitude — and that any feeling that contradicts or interferes with that narrative is wrong or bad.

The shame that I might not be enjoying every moment of my new role, or my beautiful son, infected my mind

Because of course my depression and anxiety had absolutely nothing to do with how I felt about my son. I love him and I had an illness. Those two things, in my experience at least, were not even slightly connected. 

I’m aware that others who suffer with PND/A may struggle to bond with their babies. But reducing their experience to the idea that they aren’t loving their child adequately will serve only to intensify any shame they might be feeling. 

Postnatal depression and anxiety are illnesses just like any other mental ailment, with a complex matrix of causes and effects. Excluding the existence of real trauma, there is seldom one singular event, person or experience that provokes an emotional reaction of the strength that can floor someone for months on end. 

In my case, there are a range of different contributing factors that collided post-birth — some directly relating to my role and identity as a mother, but others not.

And yet the shame — the shame that I might not be enjoying every moment of my new role, or my beautiful son, infected my mind, leaving me unable to eat, sleep or even leave bed on a few occasions.

I had spent my whole life wanting to be a mother, and knew that to be able to do so had been relatively lucky. So why couldn’t I just feel happy? 

I was lucky that it was caught early because I had experience of mental illness and knew something wasn’t quite right. So I self-referred to the perinatal mental health team in my hospital trust, and thankfully they sped into action. I was prescribed medication and then had talking therapy with a specialised therapist.

At least one in four new mothers suffer with some form of perinatal mental health complication in the UK, many of whom struggle to access support, and it pains me to think of how much easier the transition into motherhood would be if we were all a bit more honest.

And of how much the pressure to be happy (and only happy) once you have a child is both causing and compounding our emotional difficulties.

Because the truth is that having a child is both beautiful and incredibly difficult. That the bad days can sometimes — although not always — outnumber the good. And that if you are struggling in any way with any of it, there is nothing wrong with you. You are not faulty. And you deserve support.

Have you struggled with postnatal depression? Have your say in the comments belowComment Now

It’s because of this that I would – and will – tell my son about my experience without hesitation. And because of the fact that I know that it had absolutely nothing to do with him and everything to do with me.

I know enough about his personality from the small flickers that are starting to appear that he will feel empathy for me. And I also know that the strength of my love for him and how that will shape his life will leave him no reason to doubt how I felt about him after he was born.

By doing so, I would hope that I can explain to him honestly what the experience of having children is like. So that if he decides to do so when he is older, hopefully he will be more gentle with himself than I was if he finds it hard.

Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing jess.austin@metro.co.uk

Share your views in the comments below.

MORE : The US has approved the first pill to treat postnatal depression – here are the signs and symptoms

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MORE : Naked Education mother breaks down in tears over ‘not wanting to be here anymore’ amid postnatal depression battle

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Why female surgeons are staying silent after sexual assault  https://metro.co.uk/2023/09/12/i-dont-want-to-be-a-troublemaker-sexual-assault-in-surgery-exposed-15954477/ https://metro.co.uk/2023/09/12/i-dont-want-to-be-a-troublemaker-sexual-assault-in-surgery-exposed-15954477/#respond Tue, 12 Sep 2023 13:59:36 +0000 https://metro.co.uk/?p=15954477
Team of surgeons working in operation room at hospital
Women are speaking out (Picture: Getty)

Despite her seniority as an experienced surgeon, Hannah* recalls there was no escape from sexual harassment and abuse in her job.

It was rife in the corridors, the wards and even in the operating theatre. However, she was too scared to expose it.

‘I didn’t want to be a troublemaker,’ Hannah admits. ‘I didn’t want to not be able to have fun with my colleagues.

‘I didn’t want people to be, you know, weird around me, because they were worried I was going to “tell” on them.

‘And so I allowed an increasing level of physical contact which I wasn’t comfortable with – until it reached a point where he then assaulted me.’

Accounts of sexual assault and harassment in the surgery industry emerged after surgeons began speaking out in a journal, published towards the end of 2021.

As a response, The Royal College of Surgeons of England issued a statement in January 2022, condemning acts of sexual misconduct.

But now, new analysis by the University of Exeter, the University of Surrey and the Working Party on Sexual Misconduct in Surgery has revealed that a third of women surgeons who responded to the researchers said they had been sexually assaulted by colleagues in the past five years.

It’s clear that the issue is going to require a rigorous overhaul in order for there to be lasting change.

Female surgeons are hoping for a #MeToo moment – but whether they will get that over fleeting uproar is yet to be seen.

Sexism runs rife

Sexism, before it even escalates to assault, is a blatant issue within the trade.

This scandal aside, the are shocking accounts: a surgeon who burnt his initials onto patients’ livers some years ago was only removed from medical registers last year. And one report  found female patients were more likely to die when operated on by men than women.

Surgery is a heavily male-dominated industry in the UK and always has been.

Women make up 41% of early stage surgeons but only 30% of higher trainees and 14% of consultants – meaning men hold 86% of the top jobs.

This is one reason as to why Hannah’s story is sadly unsurprising.

Not wanting to ’cause trouble’ and risk negatively impacting her status at work, she remains anonymous. There is fear around the consequences of speaking out.

Simon Bramhall
Simon Bramhall, a specialist surgeon, marked his initials on the livers of two patients during transplant operations (Picture: PA)

‘I was aware of the difference in the way that female medical students and doctors were treated from the very outset of going into hospitals, by predominantly male consultants and male registrars, who are the more senior doctors,’ Hannah tells Metro.

‘That ranged from comments about appearance, to the way that the male medical students would sometimes come and ask the female medical students to go and ask a specific person if we can have a teaching session with them – because they knew that they were more likely to say yes to the girls than they were to the boys.

‘It’s difficult thinking back to because you normalise a lot of the things that are said or the behaviours that you see.’

Hannah says male colleagues made comments on her breasts, physicality, and PMS.

‘As I became more senior, I was more aware of my need to masculinise in certain ways,’ she notes.

This involved getting ‘in’ on the sexist jokes, brushing off things that didn’t feel right, and even taking on typically ‘female’ domesticated duties, such as running for cups of tea.

‘I behaved in order to fit in better with the men at the operating table so that I wasn’t elbowed out,’ Hannah tells us.

‘I started to participate in conversations that I would normally never have participated in, talking about things like the appearance of women’s breasts because I felt like if I didn’t, I wasn’t part of the team.

‘And this was on an operating table, around a patient.

‘I feel quite ashamed that I have tolerated things previously, but to say to someone that has control over your progress “I’m not really comfortable with that” takes quite a lot of confidence.

‘You would need to know that you were supported.’

male surgeon
Men hold 86% of the top jobs in the surgical industry (Picture: Getty)

Assault in the workplace

Things changed when Hannah was sexually assaulted by a former colleague on two occasions – a colleague that people ‘knew’ could be troublesome towards women.

While at work, she was assaulted in the office space through unwanted sexual touching.

On a separate occasion, that same man assaulted her while she was alone and preparing to go into theatre.

She had a ‘freeze’ response both times and stood there in disbelief, ‘pretending it never happened’.

After both instances, she went straight to work and carried on as normal, as she ‘had patients to see’.

‘After the second instance I did report him for inappropriate sexual touching,’ she says.

‘That was difficult for a lot of reasons.

‘To some extent, this person’s behavior was known to be inappropriate, it was accepted as such, it had been normalised across the department.’

Hannah’s report, which was made internally within her branch of the NHS and not to the police, was met with a response that ‘was not ideal’.

Hannah claims that the offending man did not face any ramifications for his actions in the way of suspension or through taking on sexual misconduct in the workplace training.

This is part of the problem with the underreporting of cases.

One key reason as to why Hannah felt she could file a complaint was because she was in the process of looking for a new job, so knew, sooner or later, she would be able to leave and start afresh without this tarnishing her reputation.

Hannah says: ‘All the statements from official bodies say we don’t tolerate that and you must report it. That’s the problem.

‘If it was that easy to do, people would do it frequently.

‘It’s everywhere. We’ve got a problem like all of medicine and all of surgery has a problem.

‘And if I had been on rotation, early on in my career for instance, I wouldn’t have had the option of leaving. It’s not like I could sit there and say, I want to go somewhere else.

‘I think it’s unfair as people who have already suffered and are struggling then have that burden of reporting it.’

Tamzin Cuming, Chair of the Women in Surgery Forum at the Royal College of Surgeons of England, is more optimistic about the reporting of incidents.

She says: ‘It’s something of a MeToo for surgery, and the response of support from many colleagues, including crucially of course many male colleagues, has been heartening to see.

‘There is no place in the surgical profession for any kind of bullying, harassment, or sexual assault.

‘A cultural change is needed in those backwaters of operating theatres stuck in the last century who haven’t woken up to the fact that women are their equals.

‘This means anyone and everyone who experiences or witnesses inappropriate behaviour should speak out, not passively observe or excuse.’

Having worked in a traditional male-dominated setting in the past but nowadays with a female team leader, she’s seen the difference first-hand and need for systemic change.

‘I did move on from that culture to working within a team led by a female surgical consultant and the atmosphere in her theatres was like a breath of fresh air,’ she says.

‘This opened my eyes as to how relaxed and pleasant an operating theatre could be without the culture of misogyny that was otherwise ubiquitous.’

This watershed moment is partly down to respected surgeons Rebecca Fisher and Simon Fleming.

They co-wrote an article exposing sexual assault in surgery in a medical publication called the Bulletin in September 2020.

Simon, who believes these issues have ‘kind of been an open secret’, tells us: ‘I am an ally and advocate, and someone who has made mistakes in the past and held his hands up.

‘We all need to grow and change and do better now that we know better.

‘My DMs after the article came out were full of people saying I’m glad you wrote this, but there was also anger with people saying we already know this is an issue.’

He believes the current reporting systems in healthcare are not adequate.

‘There’s no way to do it anonymously at all,’ he explains. ‘The hierarchical structures in the training environment not only infantalises trainees, but means they are not listened to or believed and feel like they cannot report for fear of recrimination.’

The way forward isn’t clear – it’s all well and good saying there needs to be change, but this won’t happen overnight.

In the words of Hannah, ‘the lines seem to be blurred’, and female surgeons are calling for help, support and change.

If you’re in the surgery industry and need support, the Royal College of Surgeons of England has a 24/7 confidential support and advice helpline, and the BMA has a helpline.

If you’ve been affected by the issues raised in this article outside of surgery, find support options from Rape Crisis.

Do you have a story to share?

Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@Metro.co.uk.

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MORE : ‘Turns out you can’t get away from it anywhere’: Inside the sexism that runs rife in the drinks industry

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Kate Middleton wears Alexander McQueen for prison visit https://metro.co.uk/2023/09/12/kate-middleton-wears-alexander-mcqueen-for-prison-visit-19487843/ https://metro.co.uk/2023/09/12/kate-middleton-wears-alexander-mcqueen-for-prison-visit-19487843/#respond Tue, 12 Sep 2023 13:40:19 +0000 https://metro.co.uk/?p=19487843
Pictures of Kate Middleton
She’s got this suit in at least three colours (Picture: Getty)

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The Princess of Wales has visited HMP High Down in Surrey to learn about how the Forward Trust charity is supporting those in the criminal justice system with managing and recovering from addiction.

Kate Middleton, who’s a patron of The Forward Trust, wore a navy blue Alexander McQueen suit for the occasion with a simple white t-shirt and matching navy heels.

The look was completed with a £1,300 Daniella Draper necklace, £2,300 Lauren Pave Diamond Leaf Drop Earrings, and her signature blowout hairdo.

Kate previously wore this navy number when she landed at Boston Logan International Airport in Massachusetts last December, and to meet some of the Royal Navy Ship’s Company of HMS Glasgow at Windsor Castle in September 2022.

The Princess has an established fondness for the fashion house, having worn the same Alexander McQueen number in white for an outing at the Rugby World Cup just two days ago.

On top of that, she’s got the same suit in pink, and she wore a red Alexander McQueen suit with an asymmetrical blazer for the star-studded Coronation concert back in May.

SUTTON, ENGLAND - SEPTEMBER 12: Catherine, Princess of Wales arrives at HMP High Down on September 12, 2023 in Sutton, England. The Princess of Wales, Patron of The Forward Trust is visiting HMP High Down to learn about how the charity is supporting those in the criminal justice system to manage and recover from their addictions. The Forward Trust has been helping people break the destructive cycle of addiction and build positive and productive futures since 1991. (Photo by Tristan Fewings/Getty Images)
Catherine, Princess of Wales arrives at HMP High Down (Picture: Tristan Fewings/Getty Images)
The Princess of Wales, Patron of The Forward Trust, arrives for a visit to HMP High Down in Surrey, to learn about how the Forward Trust charity is supporting those in the criminal justice system to manage and recover from their addictions. Picture date: Tuesday September 12, 2023. PA Photo. See PA story ROYAL Kate. Photo credit should read: Jonathan Brady/PA Wire
She’s worn this navy blue suit before (Picture: PA)
The Princess of Wales, Patron of The Forward Trust, arrives for a visit to HMP High Down in Surrey, to learn about how the Forward Trust charity is supporting those in the criminal justice system to manage and recover from their addictions. Picture date: Tuesday September 12, 2023. PA Photo. See PA story ROYAL Kate. Photo credit should read: Jonathan Brady/PA Wire
The visit comes ahead of Addiction Awareness Week (Picture: PA)
The Princess of Wales, Patron of The Forward Trust, arrives for a visit to HMP High Down in Surrey, to learn about how the Forward Trust charity is supporting those in the criminal justice system to manage and recover from their addictions. Picture date: Tuesday September 12, 2023. PA Photo. See PA story ROYAL Kate. Photo credit should read: Jonathan Brady/PA Wire
The Princess is a big fan of the McQueen fashion house (Picture:PA)
The Princess of Wales, Patron of The Forward Trust, arrives for a visit to HMP High Down in Surrey, to learn about how the Forward Trust charity is supporting those in the criminal justice system to manage and recover from their addictions. Picture date: Tuesday September 12, 2023. PA Photo. See PA story ROYAL Kate. Photo credit should read: Jonathan Brady/PA Wire
The Women’s Peak Shoulder Leaf Crepe Jacket will set you back £1,690 (Picture:PA)
The Princess of Wales, Patron of The Forward Trust, arrives for a visit to HMP High Down in Surrey, to learn about how the Forward Trust charity is supporting those in the criminal justice system to manage and recover from their addictions. Picture date: Tuesday September 12, 2023. PA Photo. See PA story ROYAL Kate. Photo credit should read: Jonathan Brady/PA Wire
And these look like a navy version of the Women’s Barathea Cigarette Trousers in Black, which cost £720 (Picture:PA)
Britain's Catherine, Princess of Wales visits the HMP High Down in Surrey to learn how the charity supports those in the criminal justice system to manage and recover from their addictions, in Surrey, Britain September 12, 2023. REUTERS/Maja Smiejkowska
The Princess had an injured hand during the visit (Picture: REUTERS)

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This is the cheapest country to work as a digital nomad https://metro.co.uk/2023/09/12/this-is-the-cheapest-country-to-work-as-a-digital-nomad-19486895/ https://metro.co.uk/2023/09/12/this-is-the-cheapest-country-to-work-as-a-digital-nomad-19486895/#respond Tue, 12 Sep 2023 13:26:36 +0000 https://metro.co.uk/?p=19486895
Tropical beach in Sri Lanka
This place scooped the top spot (Picture: Getty Images/iStockphoto)

While working on serene beaches or by tranquil pools was once a dream for many, it’s now very much a reality.

Working remotely is surging in popularity and, as a result, a growing number of countries are now offering digital nomad visas to entice people over.

For those not clued-up, these particular visas allow remote workers to live and work in that country for a specified period, while being employed and earning an income from a business based outside of that country.

And new research has analysed the cost of living in the countries offering these visas, to reveal the best for remote workers to get the most out of their earnings.

Sri Lanka, Trincomalee, Uppuveli beach
Not a bad work view (Picture: Getty Images)

So, if you’re considering packing up and working elsewhere, there are certain cheaper spots that should be on your radar.

According to the Digital Nomad Rich List created by Flamingo App, Sri Lanka is the country where your money will go furthest.

Based on the average UK salary, the data found that cost of living in Sri Lanka comes to just £492 per month (on rent, food, transport and utility bills), so the average Brit is expected to pocket around £2,282 of disposable income.

Argentina, Colombia & North Macedonia, Indonesia and Malaysia also ranked within the top five cheapest countries for digital nomads – according to this report.

Cheapest places to live as digital nomad, according to Flamingo App:

  1. Sri Lanka
  2. Argentina
  3. Colombia & North Macedonia
  4. Indonesia
  5. Malaysia

However, the most expensive countries to work remotely in were also named, with Bermuda scooping the top spot, followed by the Cayman Islands and Iceland. The UK also placed eighth on the most expensive list.

David Hehenberger, the founder of Flamingo App, said: ‘The findings of our Digital Nomad Rich List are eye-opening, highlighting that the average Brit can increase their disposable income by choosing to work remotely from over 40 countries, freeing up financial and mental space to explore and enjoy life. If you can work from anywhere, why not pick a place that enhances your life?

‘Whether it’s the warm beaches of Indonesia, the cultural hubs of Argentina, or the natural beauty of Sri Lanka.

‘Remote work doesn’t have to be confined to our familiar surroundings; it can be the gateway to global experiences, cultural immersion, and financial empowerment. The world is your office.’

Most expensive place to work as digital nomad, according to Flamingo App:

  1. Bermuda
  2. Cayman Islands
  3. Iceland
  4. The Bahamas
  5. Norway

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